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156 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's answer didn't help Olivia at all. And even when she further explained it, Olivia didn't seem to find it helpful. If she were being honest, her attraction towards men still made sense to her. It wasn't that she suddenly didn't find men attractive. It just seemed like her appreciation for Teddy in particular that seemed to be on the forefront now.
The answer seemed so obvious to her but somehow, it didn't feel enough.
When Teddy continued further, Olivia's eyes locked on to hers and her cheeks heated up like a furnace at Teddy's conclusion. This woman wasn't kidding when she said this wasn't her first.
"This...isn't a big deal, is it." Olivia sighed, realising that she was making a mountain out of a mole hill. She knew she was making it a lot more complicated than it should be. Especially for Teddy. "Can I ask you how long you've...given me that look?"
our road is long
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The contrast was something Olivia seemed to pick up on quickly enough. Olivia had every right to question how she was personally feeling given her evident history of sleeping with men. But for Teddy, because attraction to women was her very own normal, this situation couldn't possibly be a big deal to her.
That said, she didn't want Olivia to feel like a burden because her sightline of the whole situation was different.
"If I had to approximate, I'd say after we started having dinner together." IT felt like forever ago, but it wasn't quiet so dramatic, "But you never caught me looking."
And there, she had to smirk, like she was something of a winner for never being caught. The thought humoured her enough, anyway. "How long have you assumed you were straight?" Teddy asked her. It was the one thing that seemed to separate them so much; Olivia assumed that had to be a fact where Teddy never did.
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130 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
It had been around the same time that Olivia had more or less began to question her emotions for the other woman that Teddy started to do the same. Olivia had to smile at Teddy's smirk. "I'd say you've had twenty odd years over me for that." She chuckled lightly.
The question had her shrugging before she mimicked Teddy's answer from before. "Always." She breathed out and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it out of her face. "It was my normal until now. Which isn't to say this is abnormal, it's just not something I ever thought about before."
Furrowing her brows, Olivia looked at Teddy and leaned forward. "The thing is, it's not like my attraction towards men went away when I started realising I liked you."
our road is long
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Always. This was the kind of conversation Teddy had been through before, but she always found it interesting. Of course she assumed it was normal; Teddy knew she felt that way, but was still surprised to hear her say it. Most people didn't speak so openly about the assumed standard sexual preference when talking to someone who didn't share it.
When she leaned in, like sharing such a delicate secret, Teddy's eyebrows quirked in her own surprise. But she hardly wore it for the information Olivia shared.
"Is that really so... Strange for you?" Teddy had to ask, and she couldn't help but give a small, humoured laugh; "There are a fair lot of people in the world who don't class gender as a parameter for their attraction."
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104 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Now that she had to actually think about it, she shouldn't really feel so strange about it. She was aware of all the labels attached to sexuality and how fluid it was. But she did find it strange that she was experiencing it. And she said so to Teddy with a sheepish grin.
"I guess I've just been around people who were straight that everything else seems strange?" She shrugged. "It seems kind of odd that I live in a world where metas exist yet I can't seem to grasp the idea that sexuality can be so fluid." She shook her head in amusement.
our road is long
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That answer was the kind Teddy unfortunately expected. Still, she couldn't stop the touch of a frown that caught her mouth when she heard it. She wished it had been different, but she didn't think it would be anyway. There wasn't much else to do with that information, but she kept it regardless.
She had to give her some kind of benefit of the doubt. Olivia might have been a highly sheltered individual to the sheer idea of looking outside the normal four walls. "For me, I guess it was as simple as seeing heteronormativity and knowing it wasn't what I wanted." There could have been any number of reasons why that wasn't something Olivia had ever considered. Teddy just couldn't understand it.
"But I never thought any set thing about love or sex or attraction was normal. I don't think there is a normal."
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236 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia easily caught the frown on Teddy's face and she realised what she had said was not kosher. She was being blunt, something that usually got her into trouble, but most of the time, it really was out of ignorance and not arrogance. But Olivia was someone who benefitted from being told she was wrong.
The word heteronormativity was one Olivia only found out about recently and she never thought to research further, something she immediately regretted now. She kept quiet about it for now and let Teddy continue to speak.
She nodded when Teddy ended and she realised that the other woman was right. There was nothing normal when it came to things like that. She had known people to literally kill for what they assume to be love. And then there were people like her, who would have kept her secret to the grave if she hadn't been prompted. So why should there be a procedure to anything regarding that?
Olivia sighed and her body hiccuped as a short bark of laughter escaped her. "There's no argument there." She took a deep breath and looked at Teddy, reaching out to take her hand and held it for a while. "This is a learning process for me. I'm probably gonna be doing a lot of research on this because I know fuck all about this. But I hope this doesn't jeopardise whatever we had before."
our road is long
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It was Teddy's turn to laugh when she mentioned the extent she planned to go to in regards to such a learning curve. "Oh, don't worry. I'm still going to be your friend and I'm not going to be any different at work." Work was her life. Most times, it was more of a comfort than her actual home. If anything threatened to jeopardise it she wouldn't find it worthwhile. She couldn't.
"If I can give you some advice," Teddy paused briefly, contemplating her next move carefully. She wasn't exactly in the position to give advice given the difference in their situations. Still, she wanted to try, "Try not to be so analytical about it. It's not something you have to research anymore than you'd research how you'd go about... Being into a guy." She didn't cringe about the idea. She couldn't. Not in front of her. She actually liked them. "Thinking about it like that kind of emphasises that you think it's an anomaly."
Eyes softened on their target instinctively. Teddy might have taken one or two things to heart today, but she still had to give Olivia some kind of benefit of the doubt. "When you've thought about it - I mean really, genuinely considered the possibility of not living it all in your head - then you go from there." Thinking too far ahead was too damning, but not thinking at all was an equal danger.
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165 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's reassurance meant a lot to Olivia and she breathed out a sigh of relief. Although she supposed she shouldn't have doubted Teddy in the first place.
Olivia leaned forward when Teddy mentioned giving advice. She pursed her lips and covered her mouth with a hand as she realised just how ill-fitting the advice seemed to be for her. "I may have researched how best to approach the guy I like. And what to do on dates."
To be fair, she was fourteen when she did that. Women's magazines were a lie.
"But I do get where you're coming from." She ended up saying before mulling over the last piece of advice Teddy gave her. She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip and nodded, leaning back in her chair with a soft sigh. She had a lot to think about and it wasn't even noon.
"Thanks, Teddy. For coming over and for talking to me. You don't know how much it means to me."
our road is long
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This was just another indicator of how different they had been in their younger years. Teddy never thought to literally research what she was supposed to do when talking to someone she might have actually liked. It was a natural course. Sure, it was more paining when she was younger like it was for most, but as she eased towards thirty, it was second nature.
Teddy took it as a cue to know she should leave soon. Despite Olivia's argument, she knew she clouded her judgement. How could she not? She was the cause of this problem in the first place. "Don't worry about it." She doubted she did a great deal to ease Olivia's anxiety. If anything, she probably made it worse.
"Just promise to be as transparent with me as possible." Teddy continued lightly, shrugging at an afterthought; "If some man comes along next week and sweeps you off your feet, I'd like to know about it before I make a fool of myself."
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118 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia stared at Teddy for a while as the other brunette added her afterthought. It was a bit difficult to keep a straight face about it when Olivia had been single for three straight years because she hadn't felt an attraction towards anyone quite as much as she did with Teddy the past couple of months.
She kept that little nugget to herself as she somehow felt the end to this conversation on that note. She didn't want to run Teddy out but at the same time, Olivia had kept her here for long enough. She stood up and waited for Teddy to do the same before ushering her to the front door.
"I'll see you tomorrow then."
our road is long
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Leaving her seat, she crossed the room back towards the door. There was immediate relief in being able to get back to her old heels, if nothing else. They raised her up to her unnatural height again.
Standing by the front door, she looked towards her again. Even when she looked the way she did, she was undeniably beautiful. But she didn't let her eyes wander past her face, and she offered a warm enough smile to the sentiment. "Of course. It'll be fine, I promise."
And as she left, she certainly hoped tomorrow would be some kind of normal.
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