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The idea of a drink sounded ideal in that moment, and though she would often have no issue with sharing a glass, they were on the same track. She needed something in her hands. Because she was asking her to leave clothes behind so that she could stay any given night - and better was the agreement that seem to come from it. Both of her hands delicately held the stem of her glass, the corner of her mouth rising up into something a little goofy at the thought.
And somehow, the conversation took at turn back to a point that Natalie was sure Teddy was trying to avoid. She had to be thankful it did. Humor lit up her eyes as she was called out for exactly what it was. At least she found it funny too. "It is a little hypocritical."
Avoiding the topic carried some kind of weight, sure. Teddy was an expert at only talking when she wanted to, and such tactics with a woman like this blurred the lines pretty easily. It didn't help that she was a thoughtful distraction just by existing. It really was unfair that someone could look such a way without even trying. Her bright eyes were transfixed. It was like an obsession.
"Tell me why. Tell me more." She said, rather than arguing with her. Here, she wanted to take in her point of view, not just hear it. And though she wanted to breach the distance completely, she knew she shouldn't do so again just yet.
As if to further keep herself from getting distracted, a black cat jumped up to the back of the couch, face rubbing against Natalie as she drew a hand away from her glass to scratch his ears. It was encouragement to keep talking - to offer reassurance that she wasn't crossing some strange social line by talking about this. "It's not a bad thing." The disclaimer was necessary as she let her gaze break from those bright eyes. It was a danger to look, but she couldn't help it even as she continued.
"You sounded so sure that wasn't what you wanted - or needed. I think, because it sounds like a good idea on paper to be with someone in your field, but in practice it isn't so simple. It's almost a guarantee you'd find someone that understands the importance of your work, but you had said that having one lawyer in a household was enough as a child. I think that's what stuck out to me the most." She offered a little smile when her gaze met her eyes again. "But you also said there's power in not entirely knowing what you want, and I suppose that could be said for not knowing what you don't want, either."
Confirmation of something positive wasn't a surprise. Natalie was someone surrounded in an odd kind of perfect positivity. Of course she was offer some kind of disclaimer to try and make the lawyer feel a little better. Or perhaps it was so she herself felt better about whatever she was about to say. Either way, Teddy braced with a quick sip of the wine she'd stolen.
Natalie struck some very strong, thoughtful points. On paper it looked perfect, and in practice it didn't. Exhaling a short sigh, she made a quick decision to how far she was willing to delve at this point.
"I've had decent relationships with lawyers, and you're right, it's because it seems to be the best fit." Teddy admitted. "But my longest relationship was with someone completely devoid of the field, and that lack of understanding broke everything into pieces."
Natalie was a little surprised to hear she was right, if only because she didn't entirely look at it as being right or wrong. It was more the thoughts that developed and wanted some form of clarification. Her eyebrows quirked upward and she brought the glass to her lips, letting the lawyer continue. She certainly didn't expect her counterpart to go into vague details of a past relationship, especially her longest one.
What caught her was the particular phrasing Teddy chose to use. "I'm sorry to hear that." The way she frowned offered honesty, because as happy as she was to be seeing the lawyer now, it sounded devastating. "Was she the only person outside of your field that you were in a relationship with?"
If this was any other person in the world, Teddy wouldn't believe there was sorrow over the news of her own lost love. It seemed so genuine, but such an easy thing to lie about for the sake of being polite. Her wording might have been harsh but it was incredibly precise, and she rarely spoke at all without a reason behind it first. In this instance, it was all worth listening to.
"She was the only one who mattered." Teddy pointed out instead. There were few milestones in anyone's life worth recounting, but the ones that shaped an idea were important. That made this important. "Up until that point, I didn't even know human interaction could be so intensely gratifying without winning at something." Either literally or idealistically. "But when the pressure and time didn't ease up after law school, her patience wore thin. Understandably, I guess. Priorities changed. I didn't even know she'd fallen to the wayside."
It was harsh. Broad truths for someone so devoted to a career path that left little time for anything else when the phone could go off at any moment. "She used to say I didn't see how starved she was for attention, because I was too busy looking at everyone else." Eyes dropped to the glass, to watch the deep colour of the liquid falter about the glass; "At least I wasn't looking at myself."
Hearing this story was heartbreaking; Natalie had been fortunate enough in her life to not know of such a loss, if only because she had been blind for so long. And although she couldn't relate to it on a personal level, she listened carefully. Each detail deserved the utmost attention; she deserved to be heard. There was genuine pain like it was a fresh burn, despite how a hint of a timeline suggested it was years ago.
When she lost the lawyer's eyes, she still looked at her. She let a moment of silence fall before she finally shifted. The glass she carried was quickly abandoned before she took steps closer. Briefly, other intentions were lost as she wrapped her arms around Teddy's form, a hand resting behind her neck to offer the support of a friend. It was absolutely necessary.
"It sounds like she placed all the blame on you," Natalie began softly. "But sometimes people need help seeing things for themselves. That's not your fault."
Teddy's attention was attuned to the movement that her counterpart made the second she stepped off. She watched the way she lost the glass she had moved away to get in the first place, and of all things, she found herself wrapped in an embrace. Warmth and comfort surrounded her body like the story somehow warranted such devoted care. Her eyes were wide and her fingers still firmly wrapped in the glass she hadn't gotten the chance to put down.
This was so like her. Hugging and caring.
"I was a lot more naïve then. And younger." She tried to explain. Closure mightn't have ever reached her, and she made her peace with that much at least, but it wasn't worth falling to pieces over. "I know it's projecting and I'm sure a field of therapists would love to unpack this, but I don't want to envelop another person in feeling so bad because I can't promise top priority for the rest of my life."
Natalie kept hugging Teddy, even as she spoke. It wasn't until she had finished that she had even considered otherwise, and even then, it took her a few extra moments to pull herself away, offering a little squeeze before she took a half step back. Enough to make an attempt to catch those bright eyes. Her hands stayed on Teddy's shoulders, hoping to bring comfort rather than any sort of distraction.
"And so you think dating lawyers will fix that?" She asked, the corner of her mouth twitching upward just a little bit. She wished she hadn't found humor in the fact, but it was hard not to. For someone so brilliant, it seemed like the fear of hurting someone else had clouded her mind. "I don't believe that's how it works."
Free of her arms - for the most part, anyway - Teddy finally managed to settle the glass in her hands on a nearby surface. Those eyes looked at her like she needed some kind of comfort, which might have been so years ago, but with a little peace came great clarity.
"We're one of the few groups of people who have no reason to use that excuse." She replied instead. Perhaps it wasn't specific to lawyers, but they were definitely a safe ground. "It's stupid. Don't look at me like I don't know that." She offered a small hint of a laugh at that. Those eyes mightn't have worn pity, but the caring nature she provided was overwhelming for someone so not used to it.
But her own hands lifted, pressed to either side of her face as they brushed her hair out of the way. "But if we could all control how we feel about every little thing, then... You'd probably be married with kids by now." To a man, no less.
Natalie's eyebrows shot up at the idea of it being stupid; she thought to quickly clarify that she never wanted to use the word, but as a laugh escaped her counterpart's lips, she found herself letting that settle. It allowed her own smile to grow, at least a little bit. And as palms settled against her face, it drew a breath out of the trainer. It was a curious statement that the lawyer offered, one that Natalie didn't quite follow so easily.
"I'm happier here with you right now than I thought I could be," she explained. Daring to assume she dove into talk about sexuality. "I wouldn't change that - or myself." At least with that, she felt like she could speak with confidence. She offered Teddy's shoulders a little squeeze. "And I think that's what it's about. Happiness."
Acknowledging the potential absurdity of a feeling and not feeling that way were two very different things. Awareness wasn't such a strange thing to have, but Teddy could see the way she wanted to argue it for the harsher choice of words used.
Words of happiness filtered in the air between them, and for the most part, Teddy was glad her point was at least followed. For someone so logically driven, following a feeling seemed almost too simple to acknowledge properly. But this woman was the embodiment of so many things she wasn't quite used to following.
"I'm happy here with you." She replied finally. It felt like a bigger thing to admit than those little words could say, especially given all she'd brought to the table just now. Despite better judgement, she said it anyway. She deserved to know.
She had offered those words more as a point to what she was trying to say, but admitting it out loud lightened a weight from her shoulders. In part because she deserved to know the light she brought you Natalie's life. And when the concept of happiness had been reciprocated, she felt the draw of a warm smile take over her features.
"I'm not a lawyer." She pointed out, voice dropping like it could have been some sort of secret. A hand filtered upward, fixing a few strands of dark locks that had been out of place.
The attentive secret hit the air like Teddy didn't know Natalie wasn't a lawyer. She laughed lightly, quietly in the small space they were sharing now. It felt good on some level to reveal more about herself despite how she usually left herself so guarded. It seemed appreciated.
"You certainly argue like one." Teddy pointed out. Despite how distracted she had become. Her hands shifted down, tucked to the collar of the shirt she wore instead; "Though you did give up a little too easily."
Hands against her skin were a welcome distraction; Natalie rolled her shoulders to the contact, daring to inch just a little closer. Because a heavy conversation made her heart race in a different way, and physicality spiked it. She'd take the reply as a compliment as she finally closed the distance between them with a second step, form pressing lightly against the lawyer's.
"I'll have to take notes if I want to keep up with you," she replied with a light laugh, letting the air dust against Teddy's lips before catching them.
