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189 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
After the run in with Natalie, Olivia couldn't help but feel absolutely guilty for the way she had treated Teddy the past two weeks. While she hadn't exactly been dismissive or cold, she wasn't her usual cheery self around Teddy either. She'd remained professional in the workplace while hardly keeping up contact with Teddy outside of it. She supposed she could blame her self preservation but she had to blame her own insecurities as well.
Olivia had always thought she was the gracious one in the relationships she'd built but this time, her partner was. She knew she needed to make up for it. She just hoped Teddy would accept her apology.
She'd brought a bottle of wine with her to Teddy's apartment, hoping it would be enough as an olive branch, and maybe a nightcap with the lawyer if she was lucky.
Olivia combed through her dark, wavy hair with one hand and took several deep breaths before knocking on Teddy's apartment door. It was only then that she remembered, she should have called or at least texted first to see whether the lawyer was home.
"Damn it."
our road is long
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Teddy's apartment was beginning to become something of a lonely place on her off days. Emmett had all but moved in; her belongings overtook the space more than her own. Suddenly her bare-bones apartment was coloured by quirks of the few people who actually spent any time there. These days, she had more Kings hockey memorabilia than she knew what to do with.
A knock on the door that night still surprised her, and before she moved for it she checked her phone for good measure. But there was nothing there. At least, no messages warning her for quick company. Hands eased across her dress, smoothing out the fabric as she approached the door.
Dragging it open, surprise coloured her features instantly at the face she caught on the other side. "Oh." It filtered into the little sound she dropped as well. Her eyebrows knit together as it quickly melted to a stint of confusion, but she had to smile regardless.
"Hello." Cordial. Just as she had been for two weeks.
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100 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
The reception she was offered didn't surprise Olivia, really, it further coloured the paralegal's cheeks in embarrassment. Although, she was instantly glad that Teddy was actually home so a small smile curled her lips as she held a hand up in greeting.
"I should have called but...I realised that halfway through knocking on your door." Her smile melted into a sheepish grin as she slipped her raised hand under her hair, rubbing her neck.
She took in a short breath and let it out in a small puff before raising the hand with the bottle of wine. "Peace offering?"
our road is long
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Teddy wanted to laugh at the fact that she thought to call first. Not all who visited were quite so considerate, but she had to appreciate the sentiment. Besides, it wasn't as if she'd ever called in the small portion of times she'd visited Olivia. "Don't worry about it." She dismissed the thought entirely with a single sentence.
She glanced at the bottle held out to her and studied it briefly before she let her eyes settle back on her face instead. She saw no issue with reaching out to her, taking hold of the bottle before she pushed the door open wider and stood aside. "Come in." She offered.
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148 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Relief washed over the paralegal and she gave Teddy a small smile. She released her hold on the bottle to let Teddy take it before she stepped into the apartment. Olivia stayed near the door as her eyes took in the place.
She unfurled the scarf from around her neck and unzipped her jacket. Clearly she was still feeling a little uncomfortable about having thrown a tantrum the last time they actually spoke. But she had to suck it up and own up to her mistakes. She was an adult.
She turned to where Teddy was and cleared her throat. "I owe you an apology for the way I've been acting the past couple of weeks." She started. As starters went, she figured it wasn't too bad. "I acted childishly and I actually have no excuse other than embarrassment. I misread things and blew things out of proportion."
our road is long
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Teddy took short steps to the kitchen, leaving the peace offering on the counter. When she looked back, she realised Olivia had barely walked into her place. It dawned on her that while she'd had the address, she'd never been up the elevator to the eleventh floor. This was her first encounter with the showroom-style apartment Teddy called home. Compared to her own, it must have seemed ridiculous to have so much space for just one person. Nevermind the over reaching view of the city they lived in.
All the while as she listened, she listed the questions she wanted to ask to get to the bottom of what had happened. In the same vein, she knew that this was a person who wanted her to be more open, not seemingly hide behind questions. Teddy liked to compile her data before she made any kind of personal move. At least she admitted she needed to apologise. That was nice.
"Honestly, I still have no idea what happened." She admitted instead of asking any questions.
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201 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's remark had Olivia nodding as she fiddled with the scarf in her hand. She realised that from someone else's point of view, her outburst definitely came out of nowhere. The realisation was easy enough to swallow but now, having to explain it to Teddy, it just seemed difficult.
"It's recently brought to my attention that I was upset because this thing that we have...it's new to me on every possible level imaginable." Her eyes lifted to Teddy's and she held her gaze, her lips curving into a smile as she took in the other woman's form. The other woman just never seemed to be anything but elegant.
"And the worst part of it is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it." She paused before going into the meat of the admission. "For all the new classes and hobbies I take up, I never really thought to add dating to my list so I went into this thinking I was the only person you were seeing."
Glad to get that out, although a little doubtful that it would be received well, Olivia run a hand through her hair and watched Teddy for any sign of negative emotion.
our road is long
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As Olivia spoke, Teddy felt the way her eyes were on her. Truly, it felt like the first moment in a long time that she had caught her paying attention to anything that wasn't professional and strictly related to their work. The words she offered in tandem with her wandering eyes were those Teddy was sure she'd heard before to some degree.
Now wasn't the time to express how negative her only real sounding board had been over the whole situation. Days passed and Emmett's opinions grew. She let her friend vent, of course, but never acted on any of her proposed methods.
In a contemplative state, she refused to let her eyes move at all in the silence she needed to take. Truthfully, she didn't consider that this conversation would even happen. "So, what did you decide?" Teddy asked. For all her apologetic words, she'd yet to offer the resolution from all the time she had requested between them.
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141 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
With much of what she wanted to say out of the way, the only thing now was to put all her emotions into one conclusion. Teddy's question just brought it all to the surface and as Olivia tried to piece them into a more coherent statement, she realised that she was quite far away from Teddy.
She didn't know whether she should close the gap between them because she had put that space between them for two weeks, it suddenly became awkward again. Which wasn't really a good thing in the grand scheme of things. She'd reverted to the first time she realised she had feelings for the lawyer.
"I want to keep seeing you. That's actually all I've been sure of since all of this happened. So, I guess I just need to know if you still want it. Us."
our road is long
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For the most part, distance was a good thing. It kept everything clean and clear; there were no distractions when there was no potential to be distracted by anything that took away from the conversation at hand. The importance was so clearly paramount. Teddy could see how awkward she was where she was. In the end, the pieces were put back together and a clever statement was handed to her. The power over it all was, for the first time, in her hands.
Raising one of them, she waved her over. "First, we need to clear something up." She declared lightly. Stepping away herself, she crossed the distance between the door and her open living room to sit. If nothing else, the invitation could stop Olivia from hovering in the doorway like she would run through it at any moment. "I know you were upset, but I don't know why. I'd like you to tell me." Moving forward was impossible without some defined clarity.
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168 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia watched as Teddy moved over to the living room and she quietly followed after her. The request was simple, yet Olivia didn't quite know whether her own transparency would clear the air or drive Teddy away. But she did know Teddy deserved to know why Olivia was as distant as she was.
She chose to sit close to Teddy, not really touching but close enough.
"A lot of things sort of played into the reason why I was upset. I was sick, I was being petty about the whole Natalie thing and...I know you're not the type to compare partners but I think I was just worried about how I must look like to you. Natalie's exceptionally nice and she's a lot more open with what she wants. And when I saw how open she could be at the office, I realised I can't be that with you. Even though I want to." She breathed out slowly, not daring to look at Teddy this time around.
our road is long
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Teddy supposed it was some kind of answer. There wasn't much that was definite to it; it felt more like a ramble to another point than an answer to her question. Maybe she didn't really know why she was upset. Maybe it was just easier to pinpoint the obvious. Either way, she had no intention of settling on Natalie as a topic. She didn't think it wise to tell her that the initial reason physicality was so high with Natalie was because it happened so quickly.
"I don't think I've given you a reason to think I look at you like you're a lesser person than anyone." That had been her own judgement about herself last time they spoke seriously. "That's my problem; the insinuation." She admitted, hands pressed together in her lap, "The idea that you would assume - to any capacity - that I would... Go behind your back is..." A pause to search for the right word, until she finally shrugged her shoulders and could find no better; "Derogatory. I need to know why you assumed that of me."
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201 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
"You haven't." Olivia shook her head in response. She then wondered whether it was a cop out if she blamed her thought process on her anxiety still. Olivia usually couldn't help herself whenever she went on a mind bender. It was impulsive of her to assume the worst and that was usually not the case when it came to other people. She was good at coming down on herself but she usually reserved her judgment on others after she got to know them.
The fact that Teddy had been that open and physical with Natalie in the office knowing full well Olivia could be watching should have told Olivia that Teddy wasn't going behind Olivia's back. There was no other way around it. She really had lost her mind in that moment.
"I didn't...at first. The assumption came with the time I had to stew on it while I got sicker. Honestly, I don't think I have a rational excuse for thinking that and I really am sorry for making that assumption. You deserve better than that." Olivia glanced over at Teddy for a moment before dropping her gaze down at her own hands as they picked at her scarf.
our road is long
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It was easy to find a little relief in the way Olivia spoke. To know she had no reason to doubt herself way always good. Teddy wasn't one to settle against her own actions, but to reach any kind of understanding was a good thing.
"You remember how you spoke about yourself?" She asked, doubting the memory of it could leave her mind so quickly. After all, she seemed to be the type to read into every interaction more than once. That wasn't a bad thing; she was guilty of it, too. "If that's what it's going to be like when you feel a certain way, I'm not sure how well I'll be able to handle it." Though she knew of the parameters set in place when they first talked about any kind of feelings, the reality of it seemed more difficult. "How much of the whole thing should I chalk up to you being unwell?"
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277 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
A look of surprise coloured Olivia's face and she turned to Teddy when the lawyer asked if she remembered how she spoke about herself. The memory was hazy at best but judging from the way Teddy mentioned it, it hadn't been good. For someone like Teddy to admit that she couldn't handle it had Olivia feeling guilty.
Olivia chewed on the inside of her cheek as she deliberated her next move. She didn't like the feeling of wanting to plead with Teddy because as much as she wanted them to work, a part of her didn't know how fair it was that Teddy had to deal with her.
Which was ridiculous to her now because she had been nothing but upfront with her feelings in her previous relationship. She never had any problems knowing where she stood with her exes. She had been insecure before but they rarely had a reason to surface until now. Had she always played it safe with people she knew the ins and outs of?
And was it really because of how closed off Teddy actually was that these insecurities were surfacing at all? She knew she couldn't really blame someone else for her own shortcomings but this was all just incredibly foreign to her.
"I'm hoping all of it." Olivia finally admitted, not liking the answer and the insinuation behind it but it was honest. "I honestly never quite realised I needed someone else to talk to until now. I just thought I'd coast without having to unpack stuff.
"And honestly, I'm really sorry that all I've been doing is apologising for my insecurities when I should be rectifying them instead."
our road is long
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