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Perhaps it was the strange feeling of giddiness that Natalie was so unfamiliar with when it came to companionship, but she couldn't help but to dive into the subject. She couldn't recall a time she talked about something like this to Clarke, but then again, there hadn't been a time where it ever felt worthy to bring up at all. The smile her friend offered was enough encouragement to keep talking.
"A lawyer. Charming. Stunning." They were easy words to describe her. "I know this'll sound crazy, but I met her at a bar and -" Natalie paused briefly, feeling the heat in her cheeks because she wasn't quite sure where to draw the line with her friend, but she decided to push past it. "I went back to her place that night."
Natalie knew how absurd it must have sounded to try and protect Lena from some of the negative words her best friend said. She hadn't even spoken to the dancer in some time, the exception being when she had caught her running along the coast. But at least Clarke understood to some extent, as much as someone could when defending their best friend.
She nodded, lifting a hand to draw back strands of hair that had fallen in her face, tucking them back behind her ear. "There definitely is." Even more than a silver lining, even. The trainer bit down on her lip, feeling the crack of a smile try to break through as she wondered how Clarke would take the continuation of her story. "I mean, I feel like I can suddenly go out, because now I know what I'm looking for. I've even met someone."
It was surprisingly easy to have a conversation with her. It was straightforward, and that was something Nat could appreciate now more than ever. She liked the woman's honesty, even on something that could be seen as unflattering to a person's character. More so, was the romantic way she had put a spin on it. That with the right company she could find the time even with a busy schedule and important job. Natalie even thought to point out how cute the thought was.
"That's very selfless," the trainer pointed out, lips curling up into an adoring smile. To an extent, she could relate with her own work with her desire to help students gain control over abilities they never asked for, but it seemed like nothing in comparison to a lawyer protecting the rights of metas. "I think it's just a matter of finding someone that can understand how important that cause is, too."
A very honest answer came forth, and Natalie at the point provided. This woman seemed incredibly dedicated to her work; it was admirable, to say the least. And selfless, in a way, to know better than to take on something that would require a time that she didn't necessarily have. She'd seen enough people that didn't have time for their animals, and it was almost always depressing for the person that could listen to them.
Furthermore, it gave insight to the way she lived her life. It could easily be translated beyond the thought of owning a pet. Natalie had to wonder what this woman was looking for. "It's hard to balance work and a personal life. I imagine more so in your line of work." Natalie was fortunate enough where her schedule and job allowed for her to live the style she did.
They landed on a subject that Natalie could easily fill the time driving in with, even if she wished the minutes would pass more quickly. "I can't imagine living in an empty home now." She replied honestly. "It's been so long since I have." The moment she was in her own place, there was at least one companion with her, and from there, her household grew.
Her thumb brushed along the material it settled against. "What's held you back on adopting a pet?" She asked, curious as ever when it came to peoples opinions on animals.
Her gaze settled on the bright pictures of the book in her hands, continuing to flip through casually as they spoke. Immediately, a humorous smile spread across her lips at the idea of teaching him how to cook, in part because he already stated he didn't enjoy the process. The other - "You'd be surprised how many people request that of me but never actually follow through."
She'd known friends for years that repeatedly stated that Natalie should teach them how to cook. In the times she offered to, it never seemed to be a priority.
Even as the car began to move, Natalie kept her hand on the lawyer like it was some kind of lifeline. She couldn't imagine a time before where she would have gotten into a strangers car and headed to their home, but there also wasn't a doubt in her mind that this was exactly what she wanted. There was no way for the trainer to know how long the drive was, but it already felt like it was too long of a journey.
But, at the very least, she drew a laugh out of Natalie with the reply offered. Though she knew so little about this woman, she believed those words to be true. It would be a respectful disagreement in the end, surely. As the drive continued, she had the benefit of not having to look at the road, her attention remaining steadily on Teddy until the buzz of her phone forced her attention away, just for a moment.
"My dogs," she explained, as if she wanted to offer reason as to why she would tear her eyes away from the lawyer. "I had to make sure they'd be checked in on - otherwise they'd worry too much and likely ruin a couch." With confirmation that her neighbor would look in on them, she turned her phone off entirely. It wasn't a distraction she wanted.
It was strange, to feel distressed about something but then immediately feel the desire to defend Lena the moment she was called mean or a jerk. The results of the product of sleeping with a friend you'd known for years. The thought actually made her laugh, even in a moment where she was venting some of her anxieties. "She's actually quite nice - as a friend, I mean." Anything beyond that felt like territory that didn't quite match up the way she could have hoped.
"Just, isn't it strange how I could realize something so big about myself after something like that?"
An embrace brought surprise to Natalie's features, and she was glad that Clarke couldn't catch it thanks to the hug. Her hands settled on her waist, only drawing away when Clarke began to. By the time she could see her again, the trainer was offering a small smile as thanks. She lifted a hand to give her friend's arm a gentle squeeze.
"I think she believes sex is just... something to do. I know she didn't have malicious intentions, but she implied that she cared about me - as a person - but none of her actions reflect that. She said that I deserve the world, but didn't think how it would feel to wake up in an empty bed, realizing this huge thing about yourself, and then to remind me that she's sleeping with other people. It was like she was trying to tell me I wasn't in any way important."
Whatever had caught Clarke up seemed as though it was pushed through, because she was quickly being asked about the details that put her in distress. Nat pressed her lips together as she did her best to arrange the dwelling thoughts that she'd been letting settle for over a week now. "Everything happened really fast," she began. "And I'm not saying I didn't want to, it was just surprising. It felt like all or nothing with her. Physically, I mean."
Another breath, because now she couldn't stop in fear of not being able to pick up the subject again. "After she fell asleep, I was just laying there, thinking. It was a lot to take in, but I was glad. It was like a weight was lifted off of me." Nat regained the strength in her hand as she gave Clarke's a small squeeze. "But when I woke up the next morning, she wasn't even in the bed. And before I could fully wake up, she pointed out that she's sleeping with other people, and even though I already knew that, it wasn't the first thing I wanted to hear in the morning."
Really, Natalie thought that the moment she tried to drop the subject, Clarke would just allow it to be so. It was a surprise to feel her hand moved, or to hear the redhead fight for her to continue. It forced the trainer's eyebrows to rock upward. It was like she genuinely wanted to listen, even if it made her uncomfortable, and Nat found herself unsure which signs to read.
"You looked uncomfortable." She decided to point out plainly. "But it's just - this really sucked."
The wince on Clarke's face hadn't gone unnoticed, and Natalie immediately felt the familiar sensation of anxiety bubble in her stomach. Even though she felt the squeeze of her hand, that twitch of facial muscle lingered in her mind. She almost thought to let go entirely. At the very least, her grip loosened as she let out a sigh. There was a reason her and Clarke didn't dive into heavy subjects - it clearly made her friend uncomfortable.
She had to admit, it was endearing to see the girl try. Like she wanted to listen, despite the more obvious sign. "Nevermind," Nat immediately said upon instinct, shaking her head. "I didn't even ask you how your day was today. I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you."
Go on. Natalie wondered when the last time was that she talked in great detail to Clarke about anything as heavy as this, but the redhead seemed eager to listen and she was thankful for that. She offered Clarke's hand a little squeeze, if only to encourage herself a little more.
"We slept together." That much was likely already implied, but it wasn't entirely her point. Her eyebrows creased together. "And it offered a lot of realization, obviously, because I just told you that, but the next morning -" As soon as she started, she felt the way her chest tightened in reflection of those events. "It was just... strange." Her nose crinkled when she felt she hadn't given the right word, but lacked a proper descriptor for her own emotions.
When her hand was taken, Natalie's eyes widened. It wasn't like Clarke to be so touchy without the aid of alcohol, and she briefly considered asking her if she'd been drinking anything before she had gotten there, but the subject pressed on and as easily as Nat could have changed it, she continued. "Yes, that's her." She had to wonder how the night would have turned out had Clarke taken the invitation extended to her. Would they have parted ways and would have Lena found herself at Natalie's home again? Or would the dancer have just found someone else she invited there that night?
It was a deep question, and Natalie wasn't sure she had an answer to something like that. "I'm sure everyone has a different reason." She decided to go with, because when it came to understanding people's motives, she wasn't the best person to to.
Her fingertips traveled along the labels before stopping at one that caught her eye. She hooked her index finger at the top, drawing it out before starting to flip through it. A small smile spread across her lips at the idea that this man didn't cook willingly. She herself found it to be a relaxing process. "You can only live off instant ramen for so long," she teased. "I've always loved cooking, since I was a child."
