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Perhaps it was the strange feeling of giddiness that Natalie was so unfamiliar with when it came to companionship, but she couldn't help but to dive into the subject. She couldn't recall a time she talked about something like this to Clarke, but then again, there hadn't been a time where it ever felt worthy to bring up at all. The smile her friend offered was enough encouragement to keep talking.
"A lawyer. Charming. Stunning." They were easy words to describe her. "I know this'll sound crazy, but I met her at a bar and -" Natalie paused briefly, feeling the heat in her cheeks because she wasn't quite sure where to draw the line with her friend, but she decided to push past it. "I went back to her place that night."
Clarke couldn't help but smile when she saw how Natalie lit up talking about the woman she had met. She did find it rather scandalous when Natalie pressed on about how the meeting went.
"That's...interesting." She said before laughing and covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry I'm being awkward I just...I've...we've never spoken like this. And I consider you my best friend. Well, my only friend at this point. But I'm glad you met someone. I really am." She said after dropping her hands.
One reached over to pat her on her knee. "Are you seeing her again?"
Interesting wasn't exactly the word to use to describe her situation, but Nat could only hope her friend meant that as positively as she'd like to think. She watched as Clarke's hands pressed to her face, her own settling into her lap, when the redhead opened up a little on her thoughts. It was a new turn to their friendship, to have a conversation like this, but it felt as if it were long overdue, given how close she considered herself to Clarke.
"Yes. I hope. We've been talking pretty much all week." Natalie continued.
Clarke smiled widely at the fact that Natalie had someone she was romantically involved with after being played with by her so called friend. "That's so great." She nodded.
"And she's treating you okay?" Clarke asked, worried that this lawyer might turn out to be another Lena.
A wide smile offered a bit of encouragement for Natalie to go on, and the subject of the lawyer had put a smile on her own lips. "She's so attentive," Nat explained, leaning back against the couch cushions. "And it's not like she's my girlfriend." That was still a new, fresh territory for someone that she was just getting to really know. "But I'm excited to see her again."
A cat jumped up onto the arm of the couch, purring loudly and Nat was quick to put a hand on his head, scratching his ears. "Can you believe that? I'm actually excited to see someone." Usually the idea was associated with anxiety for the trainer.
It made Clarke happy, the way Natalie seemed at ease talking about someone she's interested in. She was genuinely happy for her friend.
"I can't but I'm really happy for you, Nat." With slight hesitation, Clarke leaned forward and hugged her tightly. "I know we're still on your thing but I'm really glad we're opening up and uh...I have to tell you...things." She said after letting her go.
This was not going to be easy either and she was probably going to be so uncomfortable about it. But it needed to be said. Natalie had told Clark something that couldn't have been easy for her.
She looked at Natalie and puffed up her cheeks as she blew out a sigh. "I...have had trouble with...physical affection."
As Clarke hugged her, Beau instantly jumped down off of the couch. Her hands wrapped around the DJ's waist, sitting up straight once she pulled away.
Natalie had to wonder why Clarke had become so affectionate over the past few minutes; it wasn't like the woman to be so physical, and as that was pointed out she couldn't help the light laugh that dropped from her lips. "I know." It was obvious, likely to anyone who ever met Clarke, let alone someone she'd known for years. But she wasn't going to let that stop her friend from whatever she had to say, now that they were branching out into new territory.
Her eyebrows quirked upwards, head tilting a little to the side. "Does this have anything to do with Caleb? You know I work with him." On her last conversation with her coworker, things were starting to develop, despite how she didn't offer the information to Natalie.
Natalie's two word response had Clarke grimacing before grinning and scrunching up her nose. "I'm sorry. That must be so obvious." She rubbed her face and ran her fingers through her hair.
At the mention of the guy she had been seeing, her cheeks flared up and she grimaced once more. "I forgot you did..." Clarke bit her lower lip and gave Natalie a sheepish grin. "We've had a couple of dates that were...disastrous? But I figured it was because we had to talk if we had dinner dates so I suggested we went for a paintball tournament."
It must be a complete shock for Natalie to find out about the suggestion but in Clarke's mind, it made the most sense. She was able to hide behind a visor and that was where she was most comfortable. And it worked. With the veil of awkward lifting between them after doing something together and actually enjoying it, Clarke got comfortable with Caleb's presence.
"But...the whole...physical affection thing...I wanna tell you why I had a problem with it in the first place. I realise we never really talked about...a lot so I...owe you this. Thanks for opening up to me too."
She took a deep breath and looked at Natalie. "I didn't get much affection from my parents growing up. I remember kind of...forcing myself on to them? So...I stopped doing that because I thought everyone was like that. But you're not...and I feel like I've been missing out on a lot but at the same time...I'm scared that if I get too close, you'll eventually push me away." She breathed out and laughed awkwardly as the back of her eyes began to sting.
There was a reaction from her friend and Natalie instantly caught sight of it. Clearly, she hit something when she implied she knew something was going on between Caleb and her. It forced the corner of her mouth to twitch upwards; they were both unique individuals. She wondered how a date between them would have gone.
Paintball forced another laugh out of the trainer, if only because she tried to imagine Caleb with any sort of gun in his hands, regardless of the type of ammunition. Though from her friend’s tone, it seemed to go over well. She wanted to ask more about it, but the subject started to shift, and she let Clarke continue without interruption.
It was a heavy confession, and any humor that could have been left in Natalie’s expression dissolved as Clarke dove into her childhood and the fears that came with unaffectionate parents. Immediately she pressed her hands to either side of the redhead’s face, leaning forward with her height giving an easy advantage to press a quick kiss to her hair. "You're my best friend," she pointed out. "You don't have to worry about that."
The face cupping and the consequent kiss on the head was Clarke's downfall as her head fell on Natalie's shoulder, a soft sigh escaping her lips. Her tears fell and she tried to wipe them away but they just kept falling.
"I'm really not trying to take away from your coming out, I swear." She said through her tears before pushing away from Natalie. "I'm sorry." She laughed as she used her sleeve to wipe at her eyes.
Jodie trotted over and put her head on Clarke's lap and she patted the dog. "Thank you sweetheart." She said as she tried to calm herself down. "Thank you, Nat. So...anyway," Clarke shook her head a little before looking at her best friend. "Do you feel better about yourself? After knowing what you like? How are you actually feeling?" Clarke asked, hoping Natalie would take back the reins for the night. It had been a massive load of her shoulder but she didn't want the night to be about her. It was Natalie's night.
All it took was the first unwavering breath and Natalie knew what was to come. In her line of work, it wasn't as uncommon as she'd like to see a student cry. A hand immediately put itself to back of Clarke's head, giving her the time to breathe and hopefully find some sort of comfort. The support she wished to help carry her friend through this was shared as Jodie moved closer, too.
When an apology came forth, Natalie immediately shook her head, squeezing Clarke's shoulders once she pulled away. She smiled warmly at her friend, her priorities turning to making sure she was okay over anything she could talk about. "It's okay, don't be sorry." Of course she wanted to talk about this big step her life had taken, but the distress her friend wore was hard to ignore.
She didn't bother with answering the questions asked of her, not when tears still flowed from her friend. "You just need to have a little faith in the people that care about you." Her tone didn't sound at all negative, instead trying to shine light on something that she could hopefully help with.
This was what Clarke always feared happening. She never did have good timing forcing herself on to someone else. She didn't mean to make it all about her but Natalie was too good a friend to let that bother her.
She really should have more faith but she genuinely didn't know how because she didn't know who did care for her. Especially enough that her thirst for physical affection wouldn't be too cloying for them.
"I don't know how." She admitted finally. She wiped at her eyes and nose as she looked at Natalie. "I haven't really had much experience with that." She shrugged. It didn't really help that Natalie had been the only one in her life that kept in contact with her through the years.
"Okay...we can talk about me some other time. Seriously. Tell me how you're feeling about this turn in your life." She patted Natalie's hand and smiled at her encouragingly. "I genuinely want to know everything."
She claimed to not know how, and to an extent, Nat had to believe that. The redhead wasn't particularly close with anyone, even the person labeled as her best friend. Though it didn't mean that she couldn't try to change - were that what she actually wanted. Her concern lingered on Clarke as she watched her wipe away her tears.
Again, she tried to shift the subject back towards the trainer, and Natalie shook her head, putting a hand up to try and stop her friend. The breakdown her friend just had was enough to put the conversation on hold. "Let's finish the movie," she suggested instead. It was evident that Clarke didn't want to keep going on the subject of herself at this rate, and she thought going back to the film would offer some sort of comfort. She reached for the remote, hitting play before slinging an arm around Clarke's shoulders and pulling her close as a reminder that she wasn't going to push her away.
When Natalie shook her head and suggested they finish the movie, Clarke wanted to argue but honestly, she was glad they were at least not on her anymore.
Natalie made good on her word as she pulled Clarke close. Years of pent up frustration caused the redhead to curl close as her arms wrapped around the brunette, her head resting against Natalie's shoulder.
It felt good being able to touch someone without any fear of them pushing her away. Especially without the influence of alcohol.
They continued watching the movie and when it was done, Clarke was the one who pulled away but she didn't move too far. She felt a lot more relaxed than she did an hour ago. She plucked Natalie's arm from around her shoulder so that she could hold her hand, turning to her with a smile.
She adjusted herself so she could lean her head on the couch. "Was I the only one who saw more chemistry between Jane and Darcy? I mean...Thor's pretty and all but he had more chemistry with Loki than anyone else." Clarke shrugged.
When Clarke took her hand, Natalie raised her eyebrows. The trainer was overtly aware of the difference in her friend, all seemingly coming from the talk between them, though she didn't complain on the matter. If anything, she was glad to see her friend progressing after years of practically nothing. When the credits rolled, she turned down the volume, curious what her friend had to say over the first superhero movie they watched together.
"Hmm, maybe." Really, Natalie didn't notice too much on it. It was clear in the film that they were pinning Jane against Thor, but she couldn't deny that the two females had an on screen chemistry.
She rolled her shoulders, stretching her back muscles. At the first sign of movement, Oz jumped into her lap, drawing a lap out of the brunette. "But how'd you like it overall? I mean it's so different than metas that it was hard to compare to us at all." Especially considering the main character was more of a god than anything else.
