[Moonie Hayes]

“I was beginning to learn that your life is a story told about you, not one that you tell.”

I think too much. I wonder very often if the reason why I don't have
any real life friends is because I'm too much to handle in real life.
They see you struggle, but they just assume you aren't trying hard enough.
But that's not the case at all. If I could try any harder to end all of this,
why would anyone in their right mind continue to live like this?
I don't think you get it.

I'm getting better. Don't get me wrong. The worst part is it doesn't matter
how much better you get, you'll never be cured. It doesn't go away.
Best case scenario is you learn to cope with and learn to live with it.
Those are the cards some of us are dealt. But lately I've been able to
get out more, and I've even shown a bit more cheer around work and in class.
Even under the darkest skies, we remain.

The spiral tightens. Never outwards, only infinitely inwards.
I end up waiting, examining a choice or a situation for so long that
it either passes me by or I end up a ball of anxiety.
Maybe I should just go for it.If I fail, that's fine, I guess.
It's not like I was going to win if I used my old strategy anyways.
Maybe instead of trying so hard to write my own story,
I should just live it. Huh... Oh well. Here's to new beginnings.


-Moonie