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It was ironic that the only friend he had was someone that he tried so hard to keep out of his personal life. There was only so much he could do on his own, especially being a father and a good one at that. He didn't want to be a deadbeat, he'd been absent for long enough and now that he was trying to be anything but, he knew he had to make some changes in his general way of living.
He'd talked to a lawyer about the makings of a fight for custody, or at least a fight for something fair. Damian knew that he had to be better if he was going to have his son more frequently. The day drinking had to stop, the angry drinking had to stop, the self-loathing that led to drinking had to stop. And he needed help, a swift kick in the ass to get his shit together. His ex was not helpful in that regard, although he wanted to prove to her that he was better than she gave him credit for.
After getting off the phone with his son, a total of two hours talking, Damian had made the decision to call his only friend, the friend that knew his son better than all others, the friend that wasn't going to tiptoe around what he had to do. He knew that it was going to be strange and that it was going to be awkward, but he was sober as he called her, which was a step in the right direction. When she didn't answer, he texted her asking for her to come over and telling her that it wasn't for the normal reason. With it sent, he decided that he would wait to see what happened.
The mess with Natalie had left Lena a little vulnerable so when she received a message from him saying he wanted her over, Lena was hoping it would evolve into that later. It was still a little weird going over to Damian's without that as the main reason though.
She had just finished a class when she got the message so she was still a little sweaty as she pulled on a hoodie. She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked to Damian's apartment. It was a crisp night and the cold woke Lena right up that by time she reached Damian's, she was a little buzzed. And freezing.
Ringing the bell and knocking on the door, Lena slipped her hands in her hoodie and waited.
It had been a few weeks since Damian had reached out to Lena. Work had been consuming him, along with trying to situate himself legally. He'd last seen her at the club when she talked him into going and since that night, he hadn't bothered a text or a call. Why she remained friends with him was beyond him because he treated her the way he treated everyone else. As though she was expendable.
When he heard the doorbell and a knock, he got up swiftly to answer the door. He opened it after a breath and gave her a once over. "C'mon in," He stepped back so that she could pass him into his apartment while he shut the door behind her. "I forgot you had class today, I wouldn't have asked you over otherwise. If you want, you can get a shower and I'll grab us a couple drinks, yeah?"
He felt awkward, extremely awkward as he spoke because he wasn't buzzed already and therefore he wasn't quite as forward as he usually was. Or maybe he just felt a little vulnerable given what he'd asked her here for. Either way, he wasn't a fan.
Lena stood outside as he spoke, a slight frown creasing her forehead. He had never really been considerate when it came to their relationship outside of their sleeping together. Seeing him like this was odd but Lena needed intimacy right then. If this was his way of giving her that, she wasn't going to push him away.
It was all just perfect timing really.
She walked in, patting his cheek before throwing her bag on his couch and removing her jacket. "You're welcome to join." She said as she removed her shoes as well.
She went to his hall closet to grab a towel before going to his bathroom, leaving the door open if he wanted to join.
Damian knew that she would take him up on his offer and usually in return, he would take her up on hers. He didn't hesitate when sex was on the table. Not even for a minute. Yet, there he was, staring after her as she went down the hall and into his bathroom. She'd even gone so far as to leave his door open, which only caused him to smile.
He went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer for her and a glass of water for him. It felt unnatural not grabbing two beers, but if he was going to become a responsible parent, he had to start somewhere. With the beer and water set on the table, he sat on his couch and leaned back, his hands folded on his stomach. All he could do was think about how weird this was about to be. Lena was his friend, but she was mostly just used for her benefits. Serious personal matters were not touched very often. Not unless he was screaming and yelling about how much he hated the woman that had birthed his son which was typically only when he was drunk and angry.
Damian could hear her coming back down the hall and his head rolled to the side to look at her, "Beer is yours, I had some left over from the last time you brought it over."
Lena didn't take long to shower when she realised that Damian wasn't joining. When she was done, she wrapped the towel around her body, nodding at Damian's words as she made her way to her bag.
She changed in the living room and noted that his glass had clear liquid. She frowned slightly before gathering her hair and wrapping the towel around her head. She took the beer and joined him on the couch, guzzling half of the beer by the time she looked at him.
Despite his choice not to join her, he could still admire her while she dressed in his living room. He knew he wouldn't have to tell her that she couldn't do that if Jace was staying over, but it did give him some amusement to think of what would happen if she did once his son reached puberty. If it wasn't obvious already, he knew his son was going to have his first wet dream over the redhead in front of him. Who could blame him?
His eyes dropped when she started drinking heavily because all he could do was envy her. It was driving him crazy, though he didn't peg himself as an alcoholic. He could stop when he wanted to, but that was the problem. He didn't want to stop drinking, he just wanted to be responsible. Drinking numbed him, it gave him a chance to stop worrying about everything going wrong in his life. When he was with his son, that's what his son did for him.
Damian glanced at her when she finally spoke and he laughed, hard. "I feel like I am, yeah. But no. Shit's just extra fucked lately." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, "What about you? You don't usually down beer that fast. Everything good?"
Lena could count the times Damian and her have had "chats" on one hand and still have a few more fingers to spare. It was odd yet Lena welcomed them when they happened.
She shrugged when the question was posed. She took her time adjusting herself, pulling her legs up and tucking them under her as she leaned against the arm of the couch. "One of those days." She waved a dismissive hand before settling her blue eyes on his.
"You gonna tell me why I'm not writhing under you naked in bed?" She asked with a hint of a smirk on her lips.
There was a problem with talking to Lena. It wasn't easy to get her to talk first. He tried until he was blue in the face, but more often than not, he was the one who gave up a bit of information first. In this case, he knew he'd been the one to call, but it was sort of frustrating. Neither of them was very forthcoming with their feelings.
Her question, perhaps not very eloquently put, was direct and his smile dropped altogether. Damian stood up and grabbed his glass of water. He took it into the kitchen and dumped it in the sink before returning to the living room. He didn't sit back down, but rather paced back and forth for a minute, considering how he was supposed to start.
"Can't we start with you? I mean, I don't even know what to say about me. It's such a fucking mess, Lena. My life is a fucking mess."
She watched as Damian walked to the kitchen, knowing he just needed to do it just to do something. When he came back, she sighed, her head dipping down for a moment before she looked back up at him.
"I might have damaged a friendship because of my philandering ways." She shrugged. "I'm apparently not very good with feelings." She put airquotes around the last word and snorted, like it was news to both of them that she was stunted when it came to emotions in relationships.
After all, she worked well with Damian because of it.
"I was hoping we would fuck because I'm only good at that." She sounded bitter but the look on her face said otherwise.
Her words sounded like they could have come right out of his mouth. He wasn't good at feelings either, it was why their arrangement worked. It was the only way that he knew how to do anything, avoiding feelings, putting up walls, clear-cut boundaries. This was pushing their boundaries, but he didn't mind this time. They both needed to unleash what was happening so that they could deal with it, compartmentalize and move on.
"Yeah, well, kinda hard to get into the sexy time thought process when all I can think about is Jace," He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he walked back towards the couch. He settled for the floor in front of her and leaned against the arm of the couch with one leg bent and his arm resting on his knee. "I can't tell which one of us fucked him up more, me being gone all the time or her being...her."
Damian leaned his head back to look at her, "I need to stop drinking, Lena. I need my son more than once every few weeks if his mother decides that I'm worthy of seeing him. I need to clean up and be a fucking parent. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm supposed to be raising one."
When Damian mentioned his son, Lena should have known that was why Damian called her. She didn't know much about Damian but she knew she was the only one in his life who's ever had the pleasure of meeting the kid.
Damian's son was probably the only redeemable thing about Damian and the only reason why Lena even bothered being friends with him. That and he was good in bed and occasionally he was funny.
Jace was the sweetest kid and Lena loved spending her time with him whenever Damian was allowed to bring him around. If Damian was contesting the custody, Lena was definitely ready to help.
She took a deep breath and finished her beer before pulling the towel off her head. "You're right. You're not a kid." She finally responded before adjusting herself once more on the couch so she could place a kiss on top of Damian's head. "What do you want me to do?"
It was sort of amazing that his kid was capable of being as cool as he was. Damian lived for all of the conversations that he had with his son because he could hear the similarities in their voices, in the way Jace spoke. He was a good kid that didn't swear or cause trouble at school, far better than Damian had been at his age. He never thought that it was because of his ex, he didn't think she did much right in the way of raising their son, but she did enough that he knew what not to do.
Of course, that was just his bias, he knew that she must have been doing something.
Her offer to help wasn't surprising. Not at all because he knew that she adored his son almost as much as he did. And Jace had adored her more than Damian was willing to admit. He sighed and his lips quirked briefly, "I need someone to keep me on track. I know we're both a little emotionally stunted, but you love my kid as much as I do. And I need to be a better person for him. No more day drinking, no more being irresponsible. I can't give her anymore reasons to keep him away from me and if she does, I need the court to see that I'm fit to take care of him."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, "The biggest thing I'm worried about is that she'll throw my job back in my face. You know being a cop isn't supposed to be a bad thing, but being a single parent who's a cop...I don't know if it'll fly if I wanted custody of him."
Lena looked down at Damian, glad that he couldn't see her. She closed her eyes and let him speak. She was ready to help in any way she can. But he was also right, being a cop wasn't good odds for him.
"Maybe settle for more visitation rights first, babe. Let the court see how well it would work, Jace living with you."
She admired the fact that Damian wanted to clean up his act for his son but she knew how dodgy his ex was and she won't give Jace up so easily.
More visitation rights was a start, sure, but he didn't know if it would last long. What were they going to do to her if she didn't keep up with the visitation rights? The last thing Damian would let happen to his son was for him to be put into the system because neither parent was fit. If that meant that he was going to need to quit his job, then he was ready to cross that bridge.
"I can't let it get bad, Lena. I can't let him end up..." He laughed and shook his head. He couldn't let his son become like him. Damian was a few years younger when he was put into the system, he didn't remember as much about his family as Jace would if he was taken away. He didn't know if that was going to make it worse or not.
Taking another deep breath, he shrugged, "I'm not cut out for this. I'm a machine, a militant machine that can dissect bombs and kick someone's ass when I need to. I take down criminals and save people. I'm not cut out for being the fun dad that plays ball with his kid every other weekend."
