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73 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
When Teddy didn't leave, Olivia thought her brush off wasn't decisive enough. Should she have been clearer about it? But before she could tell Teddy that she was tired and she needed sleep, the blue-eyed brunette spoke up.
Pursing her lips at the admission, Olivia's eyebrows knit together in a small frown and she looked at Teddy quizzically. "Which part don't you understand?" She asked, keeping her tone as level as she could.
our road is long
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Being polite was sometimes difficult. Trying to find reason on a clean slate was the only thing Teddy could think of. So she offered a polite approach; she stripped away the second guessing and the hidden meanings and asked for a deeper explanation.
But she didn't get it. Teddy got a question. That was okay. She supposed the only way she would understand was if she asked directly herself. Her back straightened.
"Did you just end this?"
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62 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
The straightforward question deepened Olivia's frown before she realised that she was absolutely confused by the question. Did Teddy really think that they can continue seeing each other still?
"Was I not supposed to?" She asked, genuinely curious to know the answer. "I don't see why we should continue this if you already have someone else." She continued with a little sniffle.
our road is long
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Rather than getting a defined answer, they launched into a skewed discussion instead. Teddy felt willing to follow through with the question, but she wasn't sure how helpful she'd be.
"That's up to you." She countered, but she kept her tone light. They were the very words just offered to her, but they carried an easy point. "If you don't feel like you can continue, then... You don't. But I didn't come here to talk about this at all." Far be it for Teddy to push any strain on how she felt.
"I definitely didn't come here to end this." But given her surprise, that must have been obvious by now.
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192 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia must be delirious if she thought that continuing their relationship would be a good idea. But she was still so unsure of her role now that she knew who the other person was. It wasn't like she would rather not have known but knowing that it was someone like Natalie who not only looked like a goddess, from what little time Olivia had spent with her, Natalie acted like one too.
A huge wave of insecurity engulfed the paralegal and she sighed. She didn't want Teddy to feel like Olivia was a wreck all the time, having the need for validation always. Though she had said so as a joke in their earlier days, it was proving to be true now. She couldn't do that to Teddy. It wasn't her job.
She took a long sip from her drink and looked down at her trembling hands before pulling the blanket around her. "I'm being unfair to you." Olivia finally said after a long pause. Her anxieties mixed with her illness was causing Olivia to falter. "I don't want to end this. I just don't think I'm the right fit for you."
our road is long
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A thoughtful expression overtook Teddy immediately at the choice of words used. This was one of the things Olivia had practically warned her about. Given how she felt, now mightn't have been the best time to even approach this discussion. But they were in the thick of it now and there was no turning back.
At least she'd admitted she didn't want to see the end of all this. That was something she could hold onto. "What makes you think that?" She asked, intent to try and find the meaning behind the thought provided.
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241 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
For once, Olivia wished Teddy didn't make her work for clarity. Teddy was always so composed that it made her feel so inadequate in her own confusion. Especially when Teddy would ask questions that made her dig deep.
Of course, she was very much aware how absurd that thought was but it was so difficult to really know Teddy apart from what Olivia sometimes only thought to ask. Olivia had been so smitten by that very aspect when they first started dating, In fact, she still wished she herself could be like Teddy in that respect. But it was still difficult.
Olivia sniffled and looked at Teddy. "You do know you're like...top tier. And Natalie is right up there with you and I'm maybe like...second rung from the ground. Third if I put a little bit of effort." She gave a little snort. "I'm not throwing a pity party, I'm really not. I mean I think my meds are starting to kick in, sure, but I'm new to this. I don't have much to offer in terms of experience. And I won't be able to do anything with you without raising suspicion from my colleagues." She sighed and closed her eyes for a while. The strain of being awake was slowly taking its toll on her eyes.
"I don't know, man. I'm a bundle of insecurities that you don't need to be burdened with." She gave a tired smile.
our road is long
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Immediately, Teddy had to wonder what kind of parameter they were judging by. It sounded purely physical, but she didn't want to make that harsh assumption without a little more help. It seemed like Olivia wasn't all that happy with answering the questions she posed, but they were all necessary for her to gain a better understanding of what was going on.
"That's so... Rough on yourself." She said finally. As far as self deprecating rants went, it was pretty high. Thankfully, Teddy had been given some warning over this. "I don't think any of that is fair. It might be how you feel, but it isn't how I feel." Not to discount the way she felt at all; it was imperative to stress that they weren't considering things in the same way.
"I don't... Compare you two." She added then, giving the idea a little thought now that it was presented to her. "It's never been about which is better by whatever league. I like you both for your own reasons."
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327 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
If Olivia were to be honest, a large part of her response was purely physical but based on personality, Teddy won out by a mile. She didn't know Natalie but from the small amount of time she'd met her, Olivia gathered that she was thoughtful, knew her partner well, and was sweet. Olivia couldn't even begin to wonder whether she even met those criterias.
She chewed on her bottom lip as Teddy responded after some time. She didn't think she had been that rough, she thought she had been pretty factual. Although it did bring her a little bit of comfort that Teddy didn't feel the same way. She could at least rely on Teddy being truthful when she did speak.
Olivia was suddenly reminded of what Teddy had told her the day she had confessed having feelings for her boss. "If some man comes along next week and sweeps you off your feet, I'd like to know about it before I make a fool of myself." Why didn't Olivia say the same thing then? It really would have made this a lot easier to swallow.
The paralegal finished her drink and set the mug aside just for something to do as she considered her next move. She had just made a fool of herself and now, she knew she would be second guessing herself even more if she did continue seeing Teddy. Did she really want to subject herself to that kind of mental torture? Looking at Teddy and remembering how much fun she had been having with her, how freeing it made her feel, her immediate answer was a resounding yes.
She took a deep breath and looked to the side, still unsure of what to say. "Do you mind if I take a beat with this? I'm ninety-five percent certain that I'm being an idiot because of my meds." She finally spoke, giving Teddy a cursory glance with a sheepish grin on her face.
our road is long
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It was a shame the world hadn't given Teddy the gift of reading minds. What she could do was see the fact that in depth thought that coursed through Olivia's mind through her eyes, never to see the light of day between them. At least, not in this moment. There was only so much Teddy could do with what she was actually given.
"Not at all." She replied with a faint smile. It was a fair point after all; Teddy had complete clarity of self and on the opposing side, Olivia was sick. It was bound to be a mismatched disagreement from the get go.
She was already getting out of her seat when the words left her mouth; "You can call me later, if you like." A specific timeframe wasn't something Teddy gave her, because that choice was up to her. It could have been hours, or days.
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