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106 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's words rang true to Olivia's thoughts and of course she completely understood where Teddy was coming from. She hadn't been able to truly justify her silence for the past two weeks and if she were in a similar position, she probably wouldn't have taken too kindly to it either.
"It might have been. I know it was a screw up on my part and I really am sorry, for what it's worth." She sighed.
"I never asked how you've been through all this. Which is really selfish of me." She leaned forward and placed a hand on Teddy's shoulder, squeezing it in a comforting gesture.
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97 Words
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i'm driving fast now
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Olivia smiled and nodded when Teddy backed her plan. It was definitely going to be a lot easier to deal with if the people she loved knew.
When Teddy went on to talk about her needing someone to talk to, Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Somehow, she felt it was inevitable that this was going to happen. Olivia hadn't made it any easier on Teddy the past couple of weeks and the woman definitely didn't deserve to date a newbie.
"Maybe." Olivia straightened up, a mix of emotions churning inside her. "I could use some of those."
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160 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
The question Teddy posed had Olivia laughing and she realised she honestly had nothing to worry about. Her sister was in a relationship that spanned distance and time with a man who wasn't her husband. Her parents were quiet but overall quite accepting of pretty much anything. Cam and Kenny were probably a lot more open about things than Olivia ever was at their age.
"Probably a hell of a lot better than I did." She leaned back against the couch, gently pulling Teddy's hand along with her. "I'm the stick in the mud in a family full of...mud." The sentence probably made less sense than her worries but at the moment, Olivia was just not thinking the way she usually was.
"Maybe I'll just tell Kenny and Cam first since they're the nearest." She mused out loud before releasing Teddy's hand. "I feel like you've become more of a therapist than a person I'm seeing." She chuckled lightly.
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145 Words
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i'm driving fast now
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Dark eyes flitted down to the hand that took hers and she gave a soft smile at the image. She turned her palm up and took comfort in the squeeze from her counterpart. Olivia listened to Teddy and nodded along.
It was hard for Olivia to throw away her inhibitions and not feel presumptuous about any of her actions but she did want to do a lot more than hold Teddy's hand.
And so, she leaned in closer to Teddy and pressed her lips against her cheek. "I'll try to work on that." She stated. She did want to. She felt she had to. Sooner or later. She would just rather do it sooner.
"And now I gotta figure out what to tell my family. How do I even start." She shook her head and laughed to herself. "There aren't any Hallmark cards are there?"
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102 Words
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Olivia looked to Teddy and smiled at her remark. "I figured." She shrugged. She knew there really wasn't anything gender specific when it came to dating. Hell, anything really.
She nodded at Teddy's assessment and she looked down at her scarf, her thumb running back and forth over a line.
"You don't happen to fit that, do you?" She asked with a semi-embarrassed but still teasing tone. As fragile as the conversation was, Olivia was done with the seriousness of it. Dating was supposed to be fun but all she'd done thus far was make it complicated. For herself and for Teddy.
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176 Words
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The phrasing in Teddy's words struck Olivia as a hint to how Teddy felt about what they were talking about. She didn't quite realise how callous she had actually sounded. But it also shed some light about the difference between them. As easy as it was for Olivia to know she had been straight, it was easy for Teddy to know she was gay.
Olivia began to fiddle with her scarf again as she thought of Teddy's question. She hadn't felt any different emotionally. Just as much as she had felt comfortable, attended to and filled with love to give when she was with her exes, it was the same with how she was with Teddy. Nothing was actually different.
And she told Teddy exactly that. "Although I'm still trying to get used to initiating things with you. I never really minded when someone took charge so with you, it's more about exploring my own take charge ways. Which...I'm finding out isn't exactly my style." She scratched the back of her head out of embarrassment.
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119 Words
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Teddy's question didn't actually occur to Olivia before this and when put in that context, it actually did make sense. "Maybe?" Olivia offered, tilting her head slightly to the side as she contemplated the notion. "I guess when you put it that way, it does feel like a revelation. A good one, I might add."
It gave Olivia a sense of relief too, seeing it in a different perspective. It must sound like a no-brainer to Teddy but Olivia had to actually think about it before accepting it as fact.
"How did you come to accept it? I just remember being shoved into heteronormativity since birth while just thinking girls were cute but never really doing anything about it."
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304 Words
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The mention of Emmett made Olivia chuckle lightly. The blonde had pretty much forced her way into Teddy's life and had become a permanent fixture now, apparently. The thought of her barging in while Olivia was cosying up to the lawyer made her shiver slightly. Emmett had been the one who called Olivia's feelings out, she didn't need the woman giving her an "I told you so" even if it wasn't verbal.
Her smile softened when Teddy offered her sympathy. Heterosexuality had been easy for Olivia because that's what she had grown up with and that was what was normal to her. Bisexuality, however, was a whole other dimension that she just couldn't quite grasp. And as far as she knew, she was the only one she knew who felt that way. She felt isolated but every day, she accepted the normality of being attracted to both genders. It was just the isolation that she couldn't quite handle.
"Thank you. That's great for you, always knowing. And I mean...I shouldn't really be so shocked, I guess? I've always known sexuality is fluid, it just never occurred to me that mine would ever change." She shrugged. "I don't regret it. I'm not regretting anything. I'm just seeing differences in so many interactions we've had and what I had with my exes. Apart from the obvious."
Just as she said it, she regretted it because they hadn't ever spoken about that part of dating. "Not that we've ever..." Olivia stopped herself before she could say anything more embarrassing. But it was just hitting her then that they had never done anything apart from kissing. And even then, by any standard, they have been quite chaste.
She chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm not trying to imply anything." She said for good measure.
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131 Words
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Teddy's words were encouraging and Olivia visibly relaxed. The lawyer may not expect her to change but Olivia realised she needed to. If not for Teddy, for herself. She had been so consumed in her anxieties and insecurities that it governed her every move without her even knowing it. She wished it was as easy as switching off lights but she knew there was a long road ahead of her.
"Thank you." She responded before gingerly patting Teddy's hand. Although she was still a little hesitant initiating any physical contact, she wanted Teddy to know that she wasn't going anywhere.
"Oh God...I wasn't interrupting anything was I?" She asked, her eyes raising to meet the lawyer's. Teddy was far too polite to kick her out, Olivia knew that at least.
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206 Words
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The laughter from Teddy was reciprocated with a small sheepish chuckle from Olivia. She was glad Teddy found humour in any of this because Olivia was starting to feel sorry for herself. It did seem to physically relieve Olivia from her previous strain, which was a good thing.
Teddy's question was another heavy hitter that Olivia hadn't wanted to answer but she did believe Teddy deserved to know. "I was embarrassed." She admitted. "And truthfully, I only just managed to simplify my thought process recently. And I wanted to be in full control of myself and my narrative before I went to you. I didn't want to second guess myself, and you because that's unfair to both of us."
She turned to Teddy and looked up again to face her. "The insecurity isn't going to go away, I can't promise to miraculously be self confident overnight but I want you. And I know that if that's going to happen, I'm not going to let my insecurities get in the way."
Olivia knew it wasn't going to be easy to get rid of that small voice in her head. She didn't expect it to be. She just needed another way to vent and get a different perspective.
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277 Words
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i'm driving fast now
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A look of surprise coloured Olivia's face and she turned to Teddy when the lawyer asked if she remembered how she spoke about herself. The memory was hazy at best but judging from the way Teddy mentioned it, it hadn't been good. For someone like Teddy to admit that she couldn't handle it had Olivia feeling guilty.
Olivia chewed on the inside of her cheek as she deliberated her next move. She didn't like the feeling of wanting to plead with Teddy because as much as she wanted them to work, a part of her didn't know how fair it was that Teddy had to deal with her.
Which was ridiculous to her now because she had been nothing but upfront with her feelings in her previous relationship. She never had any problems knowing where she stood with her exes. She had been insecure before but they rarely had a reason to surface until now. Had she always played it safe with people she knew the ins and outs of?
And was it really because of how closed off Teddy actually was that these insecurities were surfacing at all? She knew she couldn't really blame someone else for her own shortcomings but this was all just incredibly foreign to her.
"I'm hoping all of it." Olivia finally admitted, not liking the answer and the insinuation behind it but it was honest. "I honestly never quite realised I needed someone else to talk to until now. I just thought I'd coast without having to unpack stuff.
"And honestly, I'm really sorry that all I've been doing is apologising for my insecurities when I should be rectifying them instead."
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201 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
"You haven't." Olivia shook her head in response. She then wondered whether it was a cop out if she blamed her thought process on her anxiety still. Olivia usually couldn't help herself whenever she went on a mind bender. It was impulsive of her to assume the worst and that was usually not the case when it came to other people. She was good at coming down on herself but she usually reserved her judgment on others after she got to know them.
The fact that Teddy had been that open and physical with Natalie in the office knowing full well Olivia could be watching should have told Olivia that Teddy wasn't going behind Olivia's back. There was no other way around it. She really had lost her mind in that moment.
"I didn't...at first. The assumption came with the time I had to stew on it while I got sicker. Honestly, I don't think I have a rational excuse for thinking that and I really am sorry for making that assumption. You deserve better than that." Olivia glanced over at Teddy for a moment before dropping her gaze down at her own hands as they picked at her scarf.
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168 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia watched as Teddy moved over to the living room and she quietly followed after her. The request was simple, yet Olivia didn't quite know whether her own transparency would clear the air or drive Teddy away. But she did know Teddy deserved to know why Olivia was as distant as she was.
She chose to sit close to Teddy, not really touching but close enough.
"A lot of things sort of played into the reason why I was upset. I was sick, I was being petty about the whole Natalie thing and...I know you're not the type to compare partners but I think I was just worried about how I must look like to you. Natalie's exceptionally nice and she's a lot more open with what she wants. And when I saw how open she could be at the office, I realised I can't be that with you. Even though I want to." She breathed out slowly, not daring to look at Teddy this time around.
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141 Words
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i'm driving fast now
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With much of what she wanted to say out of the way, the only thing now was to put all her emotions into one conclusion. Teddy's question just brought it all to the surface and as Olivia tried to piece them into a more coherent statement, she realised that she was quite far away from Teddy.
She didn't know whether she should close the gap between them because she had put that space between them for two weeks, it suddenly became awkward again. Which wasn't really a good thing in the grand scheme of things. She'd reverted to the first time she realised she had feelings for the lawyer.
"I want to keep seeing you. That's actually all I've been sure of since all of this happened. So, I guess I just need to know if you still want it. Us."
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201 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's remark had Olivia nodding as she fiddled with the scarf in her hand. She realised that from someone else's point of view, her outburst definitely came out of nowhere. The realisation was easy enough to swallow but now, having to explain it to Teddy, it just seemed difficult.
"It's recently brought to my attention that I was upset because this thing that we have...it's new to me on every possible level imaginable." Her eyes lifted to Teddy's and she held her gaze, her lips curving into a smile as she took in the other woman's form. The other woman just never seemed to be anything but elegant.
"And the worst part of it is that I don't have anyone to talk to about it." She paused before going into the meat of the admission. "For all the new classes and hobbies I take up, I never really thought to add dating to my list so I went into this thinking I was the only person you were seeing."
Glad to get that out, although a little doubtful that it would be received well, Olivia run a hand through her hair and watched Teddy for any sign of negative emotion.
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