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Assuming was dangerous, but Natalie couldn't help the way her mind fled towards the idea of something worse, given the way how Olivia spoke. Had she missed something entirely? And if so, what was it? Moments felt like much longer when she waited for an explanation.
And when it came forth, she realized that she was wrong. Natalie felt herself let go of the breath she hadn't realized she was holding, fingertips grazing across the top of Jodie's head as she kept pace with her.
"Oh." She nodded. "She explained that she was seeing the both of us, yes." That clarification felt necessary. "Am I okay with it?" Her eyebrows lowered, as she tried to gain a perspective she couldn't quite see. It was hard to see where Olivia was coming from. "Yeah. I mean - she's just trying to find happiness like we are, isn't she?"
Natalie's response drew a relieved breath from Olivia and she nodded before her heart sank at Natalie's answer to her question. So she was the only one who had a problem with it. She'd pretty much had the dating thing all wrong, thinking that it was only just her and Teddy.
"Right." Olivia nodded, hoping her disappointment didn't show all too well. Her previous anxities started to crawl back to the surface as her mind played out all the reasons why she should just stay away from Teddy. She didn't blame either of the women. in fact, to Olivia, it made more sense for Teddy to go for Natalie.
There wasn't even a need to compare Olivia to Natalie because clearly, the latter was more superior in so many ways.
"Have you had these dogs for a while?" Olivia blurted out.
With Natalie's abilities came some unexpected side effects; there was a practically constant communication going on between herself and her dogs. They could pick up emotions in people far better than the trainer ever could, and what was a little warning of anxiety skyrocketed with an alarm at her answer. If it wasn't enough, Olivia's bumbling transition into a new subject was enough to even make her aware that she was clearly uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry," Natalie immediately apologized, slowing her pacing to turn and look at Olivia. Concern worked into her features. "Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?" They'd only met a couple of times now, but she couldn't help but to ask.
The question Natalie posed illicited an almost imperceptible groan from the paralegal. It figured that of all things that made Natalie a step better than Olivia was that she was perceptive. She had thought she covered most her anxieties quite well.
"Yes." Olivia's answer came before a rushed no was said. "It's not...you perse. I'm just a jumble of nerves right now and it's honestly not at all your fault. You're perfect." Olivia rushed her response before running her fingers through her hair.
"I can be honest with you, yeah?" She asked and before Natalie could answer, Olivia continued. "I haven't been in a relationship for three years and before that I was in three committed ones since I was a teenager. This is my first time dating a woman and really just...dating in general. I have no clue what I'm doing and suddenly I'm dating someone who's dating someone else and that someone happens to be this...Amazonian goddess and I think I might pass out."
Olivia was getting short of breath. This was exactly why she left the arguing to the lawyers she worked for. On paper, Olivia was meticulous, eloquent and precise. Much was left to be desired when she was put on the spot without actually having time to think things through. Did she really just call Natalie an Amazonian goddess to her face?
"I'm sorry...I'm really not good with people without proper material." She smoothed her eyebrows down with her thumb and took deep breaths. "That was way too much information and you don't even know me. You didn't deserve that unloading."
It honestly didn't help that Olivia didn't actually have anyone to talk to.
It was a straightforward question, and Natalie received one in response. Though harsh, she really couldn't complain given that she had asked. What was more important was the reason why, but before Natalie could think to ask, the woman started going on something of a tangent. Her eyes grew wide, and she stopped walking all together in order to make sure she wasn't missing something. And she was pretty sure she already had, because she was being called perfect and then suddenly learning details of Olivia's history that she hadn't really been expecting. Her eyebrows shot upwards as she continued.
When she finished, there was a lot to take in. It took Natalie a few moments to process. She inhaled slowly through her nose, lips parting as she let the breath go before making any attempt to speak. "It's okay, you shouldn't be sorry." It seemed like the paralegal desperately needed to get whatever this was off her chest - given the rant she offered to someone who was a practical stranger was enough of a sign that she kept this bottled up for too long.
"If it makes you feel any better, this is new for me, too." She really wondered how detailed she should go here. "I've never really continuously seen someone before." Maybe there was comfort in knowing that Olivia wasn't alone in treading foreign waters. "And I'm definitely not an Amazonian goddess, that's for sure." She tacked on with a laugh. Her own nerves were heightened with the strange turn of this conversation, but she was determined to breath through it. "So you're upset... because this is new?"
Natalie was gracious enough to let her get everything off her chest and once everything was out, Olivia felt like a weight had been lifted. She could breathe again and things became a hell of a lot clearer. She also realised that while she had really made a mountain out of a molehill, it felt like she was absolutely justified. But it also meant she was now highly aware that she was definitely the only one this was affecting and she definitely needed to get over this slump before she lost Teddy.
Finding out that Natalie was also new to this doubled Olivia's relief. Natalie didn't show it at all but Olivia took comfort in the fact that she wasn't the only one jumping into new territory. Olivia couldn't help scrunching her nose in disagreement when Natalie didn't take to being called an Amazonian goddess. Olivia couldn't see anything else but. However, she wasn't going to say that. Natalie probably already thought she was a weirdo anyway.
Her question sounded so simple, which should have indicated how complicated Olivia had made it out to be. Although it did beg the question whether Olivia really thought that that was the only reason she had been upset. "I don't...know? Part of it yeah. I think I'm more upset that I'm going into this blind. I'm partially blaming myself for not knowing what dating actually entailed." She paused before mentally slapping herself for unloading once more on Natalie.
"I'm sorry, Natalie. I really shouldn't be talking to you about this. I feel like it's inappropriate of me to do so." She breathed out slowly. "I feel like I'm trapping you into being my soundboard and we don't even know each other." Olivia laughed nervously as she shook her head slightly.
Natalie wished she could have some sort of advice to offer, but she was still a little confused with what was entirely wrong. It seemed like Olivia was more upset with herself than anything else, and the trainer had no way to knowing how to deal with that. "I think the best thing you can do is just try. Doesn't that make the best practice?" It was strange to be giving someone her own age the advice she offered her students when they met failure. More strange that it was to Olivia about this particular situation; it was a conflicting thought. Perhaps her background offered a little more insight than she initially thought.
Another apology came forth and Natalie shook her head. "It sounds like you needed to get that out," she replied. "I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable." She hardly wanted to be the cause of distress for the woman. Because it was her fault, even if Olivia had tried to take it back a bit. Her decision to stay away from the office during normal work hours was likely a good one, she determined.
Olivia had been avoiding looking at Natalie for the sole purpose of not wanting to let her see how stupid all of this was making Olivia feel. It could have all been easily dealt with had Olivia just taken a bit of initiative to find out exactly what Teddy had wanted out of their connection. She'd been selfish and presumptuous in thinking she was the only one Teddy had.
When she finally lifted her eyes up at Natalie, she also offered a smile at the advice. It wasn't really some revelation but for Olivia, it was what she needed. Honestly, all she apparently needed was someone to listen. It was just unfortunate for Natalie that it had to be her right then.
"I did need to and you're not my source of discomfort. Not really. Believe me." Olivia sighed, not knowing how else to convey that it wasn't Natalie's fault. "I'm very good at working myself up over nothing. Most of my anxiety comes from my own insecurities, believe me. Being aware of it just makes it even worst." She chuckled sheepishly, as she bit her bottom lip.
"Thanks for listening though." Olivia tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and looked at Natalie with a less nervous smile. "And thank you for not pointing out how much of a mess I am."
Olivia almost seemed relieved, and with that, she started to walk again. The student lounge was still a couple minutes away. At least now she could focus on her steps, despite how she still let her attention fall on the nervous paralegal. "Have you considered meditation? Or something to act in place of it?" Natalie asked, ready to offer advice she knew really could help. Anxiety wasn't uncommon for the trainer who spent most of her young life struggling to talk to people over animals. Building up to a certain lifestyle helped significantly. "I practice yoga regularly, and it really helps bring ease to the mind." It was more than just a physical workout.
"Finding something that can help channel your awareness into something positive can be significant." How she chose to channel it was entirely up to her, however.
The idea of meditation wasn't a bad one but it wasn't something Olivia felt she could afford. Being Teddy's assistant brought with it less time to do anything else. Which she didn't actually mind because she had only been doing those extra activities to fill her time to feel less obligated to have time to her thoughts. She was aware that that wasn't exactly healthy but it was what she had always known.
"Most of the time work sort of consumes me so I don't -- I usually attend these hobby classes." Natalie really didn't need to know more about her neuroses. And fact of the matter was, this revelation she had stumbled upon was the only cause of her insecurities for now. She just felt incredibly inadequate at dating. Possibly only that.
"Maybe I'll look into it." She followed Natalie towards her destination. She felt a lot lighter though, compared to when she first saw Natalie that afternoon. She just hoped she hadn't bogged Natalie down any.
Hearing a reason why someone couldn't commit to something like meditation or yoga wasn't uncommon. Natalie offered a little hum in response, unsure if the paralegal really would look into it, but she wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. "There's lots of videos online that do daily practices - it's only about thirty minutes a day." And entirely free. But it was as far as she would push the subject. Forcing someone onto something that they didn't want to do for themselves was a step in the wrong direction.
As they approached another building, Natalie pushed open the door, holding it again for Olivia and her animal companions. "What sort of hobby classes do you take?" She asked. Maybe that was something within itself that served as a sort of mediation.
When Natalie continued with the recommendation, Olivia realised that she was most likely just making excuses not to do it. Which was probably a good thing that Natalie pushed, even if it was just slightly. She nodded again and gave Natalie a smile. It wouldn't hurt to try, she figured.
Thanking Natalie as she stepped through the door, she turned when the taller woman asked about her classes. "Everything, really. Knitting, cooking, foreign language, photography. Just whatever is being offered down at the town square, really." She shrugged. "I haven't been to many these days. Work is piling up." She shrugged as she pocketed her hands in her jeans.
"Do you have any...hobby classes? Other than yoga, I mean."
Once inside, Natalie took the lead again. It wasn't far now. "Oh, that's interesting." With the list Olivia compiled, it seemed like that must have taken most of her time outside of work, even if work was keeping her busy enough as it was. "It's good to have something like that."
Her mouth scrunched to the side when the question was turned around on her. "No, not really. At least for classes." She explained with a roll of her shoulders. "I'm usually pretty independent with them. I'll cook all the time, and usually I'll go for a run a few times a week." Sometimes daily. "That just works better for me, though."
As they turned a corner, she smiled and gestured towards an open door to a room full of couches. "And here we are."
Olivia smiled and nodded along with her remark. "I think so too." She admitted. The paralegal couldn't deny talking to Natalie now seemed easier, the atmosphere was as light as it did when they first met in the office. Just two strangers talking about nothing in particular.
"I think I need the motivation and structure of classes to do anything." Although cooking and running was something Olivia could do on a regular basis if she had the time. She had made it a habit when she was younger but it was neglected the moment she entered the workforce. She still loved cooking though, that didn't really change.
When they finally arrived at the lounge, Olivia breathed out in relief as she peeked in to see whether Kenny was already there but found that she wasn't. She pouted slightly before turning to Natalie. "She's not here yet. But thank you so much for getting me here."
Olivia took her phone out to see whether Kenny had texted her but her phone was free of notifications. "I can just wait in here, right?"
As they stepped into the student lounge, Natalie already knew it was empty thanks to her animal companions. They alerted her that there wasn't the smell of another person in the air, and when she turned to look at Olivia to see if she possibly was given the wrong info, the paralegal was already checking her phone. Her hands pressed together to wait to see if she had some sort of plan. She didn't want to abandon her if she had to go somewhere else instead.
"Yeah, that's fine." She nodded, rocking back on her heels. She supposed Olivia just wanted to wait for her. Natalie even took a couple steps back before pausing. "There's a courtyard right outside that's quite nice. If you want, you can join me while you wait. Your niece will likely have to pass it on her way in here."
