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"The same could be said about me," He retorted. Luca believed that he had learned a lot in the last few years. If he hadn't gone back home, he never would have realized where he belonged. In his earlier years, he'd been torn between two places, uncertain of where he best fit and now he knew. He had to be honest, it helped knowing that Callie was in Oregon and he was glad that he'd found her, but with or without her, he knew his place was in the States. She'd just been the biggest reason it felt more like home.
Luca looked at her again and quirked the side of his lips, "I think we both needed to grow up more to get to this point. The world works in mysterious ways, but it somehow managed to bring us back to the same place." Even if things had gone horribly wrong between them, there was obviously still something between them that mattered. He wasn't sure how one-sided it was, but he'd accept that there was definitely something more on his end.
"One way or another, I'm glad you came into the club the other day."
The question she asked had him pausing mid-sip of his coffee and he frowned, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with this. This is, well, this is my normal." It may not have been much, God knew that he'd down-graded in space and comfort, but it was what he needed. It had taught him lessons he may never have learned before. Like keeping his own space straightened up. Luca's room was scarce enough that there wasn't much tidying to be done, but for the little things that he had, he kept them well-organized. The control freak in him seemed to transfer over into his living quarters as well.
Luca supposed that in time he may see what everyone was talking about in regards to the things he was capable of. Until then, he couldn't quite rein in the self-depricating remarks he made. It wasn't only with his sister, but with his ex girlfriend as well. They saw the world in him, where all he saw was a never-ending void. It wasn't even because he was unhappy anymore, in fact, he was the happiest he'd been in years. It didn't change that all he could see and remember were the mistakes. He found it difficult to revel in any victories he had. "If you say so, Rena. I'll take your word for it."
Time was a funny thing, he'd have to agree. Even with as long as he'd been in America, it still felt like a foreign place to him. Romania was always going to be home in one way or another, it was where their mother was buried. However, after years spent in the States, he just felt more at ease knowing that he could and did whatever he wanted to. Even if it led to horrendous mistakes. "I'm just glad we're together. I always hated being apart, it felt unnatural," It didn't matter that he couldn't physically touch his sister, having her around was better than being oceans apart.
Her laugh caused his eyebrows to raise slightly and he was curious if she'd lost her mind or if he just missed something. He waited for an explanation, but took little comfort in the one that she gave. She backtracked and said that she was laughing because they both left. Luca wasn't pleased that he was comparable to this girl in more ways than one, he was less pleased that they'd reacted the same way. In his defense, he never would have left if he'd known Callie was going to lose them both.
He let out a sigh, "Well, it would appear you have a type, wouldn't it?" It was just too bad that her type ended up being flight risks.
He supposed it didn't matter either way if she knew the saying or not. He had and from it, he drew his own conclusions. It was easier to accept for him, thinking that she'd chose the other. She was of course correct, she hadn't broken up with him, although he didn't know the circumstances with the other. If he'd known, he might have acted on seeing her sooner. For her to say that she'd chosen him though, well, it gave him a false sense of hope.
Luca bit down on his lower lip, contemplating how he wanted to respond. With another sigh, he looked at her, "I only broke up with you because I didn't want you to have to choose." But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it wasn't completely true. "Or rather, I did it out of self-preservation...I didn't want you to choose her over me. So I made it easier on both of us." Rejection was easier to swallow when he was ahead of it, if he'd been blind-sided thinking that she'd choose him and she didn't, his circumstances might still have ended up the same, but his attitude towards everything wouldn't have been.
"Running to Romania was a way to deal with it, I was being a coward because I thought that by breaking things off with you, you could be happier. I thought she'd make you happier. And I...I didn't honestly think you'd choose me."
Luca's eyes raised at her counter and he had to frown. It wasn't that he couldn't understand what she meant. In a way, he'd been in that position before, but his feelings for one had outweighed the feelings for the other. In his case, his feelings for her had outweighed the other, but in her case, he'd been the one that didn't have enough weight in her heart.
He sighed, "I'm not sure I ever want to. But I guess as the saying goes, 'if you're in love with two people, choose the second', right?" Which was what she'd done. Luc wasn't angry about it anymore, but that didn't mean it was easy to talk about. He just wanted to find a different topic of conversation now. While it may have needed to be aired out, he still felt uncomfortable talking about it.
Having her call him out on what he had been thinking wasn't much of a shock. The only surprise factor was that she'd said it to him out loud, confirming that she knew he blamed himself. Luca found it best to keep quiet and let her continue her thoughts, absorbing what he could without feeling the need to close off. It would have been easy to get up and walk away from the conversation, but they needed to have this talk. It'd been years and he was still holding onto something that likely wasn't even there to begin with, let alone lingering now.
It felt like a kick to the teeth hearing her talk about the girl. He didn't dare allow himself to remember what it was like finding out and he tried to ignore the sick feeling he got when she spoke about loving this girl. It was harder to hear than he'd expected because while she was telling him that she was clingy, he couldn't quite remember her being that way with him. Which led him to think that it had been that way with the girl instead. Luca stared at the table cloth as he processed what she said and he nodded.
After a moment he took a deep breath and laughed once, "Being in love with someone is an impossible and desperate feeling, isn't it?"
The problem was in the delivery, sure, but she wasn't the only person to tell him something like that. She was just the only one who didn't want him to feel bad for it. Unfortunately for her, it was a little too late because he'd always had a problem with his differences. He just didn't know how to change it necessarily. Even after half of his life dealing with his ability.
"Did you ever get used to it?" His eyes were trained on hers, searching for something that would either confirm or deny what he already thought. Callie was the only one to stick around for a significant chunk of time, but she was also the only one who was giving him the time of day as a friend after the fact.
She drew attention to how vastly different they were and Luca wasn't sure if it was because it bothered her or if she was just pointing out facts. He knew how different they were, between their upbringings and how it affected their personalities. At the time when he'd starting falling for her, he pegged it as the whole opposites attract thing. It wasn't logical, but he hadn't been thinking logically when he started to care about her.
He took what she had to say to heart and tucked it away in his mind to remember. Luca thought he'd done better, reaching out for her, although he didn't know what the normal amount was or what the correct amount for her was. If it were up to him, he wouldn't let go. Not again. It made him feel clingy and desperate, but in a way he was.
He was desperate for her affection because he'd been starved of it for as long as he could remember after his mother died. "I wasn't very good at initiating contact," Luca stated flatly. He wished he was different, that he'd been able to reach out without hesitation in the hopes that it would have changed their outcome.
"You didn't?" He looked up at her. Luca was aware that he was damaged and scary and that it was next to impossible to get anything through his thick skull. The fact that she hadn't given up on trying yet was a miracle."I guess that's typical of me, isn't it? Seeing everything wrong with me that might not even be as bad as I think it is." He had to laugh because it wasn't intentional, it wasn't like he woke up every day looking for everything he did wrong. It was just all he'd learned to pay attention to.
Luca smiled up at her, "You know, it probably doesn't seem like it now because I kind of took a step backwards going back home, but I wasn't as uncomfortable with the physicality of our relationship by the end of it. Holding hands terrified me because if I ever reached out to my twin and touched her, it would hurt us both. But this..." he looked down at their hands on the table and he grinned wider, "This is comfortable. Hugging you, kissing you, all of it became easier over time. I didn't think it could be as easy as it was."
Luca was a little nervous by how easy it all seemed. He knew it was in large part because he was making it as much, but it was just the natural feeling between them. It was naturally comfortable. Talking to her was easy, holding her hand was easy. She made him forget his own insecurities.
The words that came from her mouth only solidified how he felt towards her. Callie gave him a different perspective of himself because she saw him as this decent human being while also knowing all she needed to about him. She didn't make him feel cold the way everyone else did and she genuinely wanted the best for him. He took a deep breath and offered a small laugh, "We are still young, I don't think you are dumb though. I've never thought that. And I don't want you to either." His tone became serious and he added pressure to her fingers. Luca's eyebrows pulled together and he considered his next words carefully. "I want all of that for you, too. I know you think that you're deserving of all this anger I'm supposed to have, but I don't think you understand how impossible it is to be upset with you."
Luca lifted his eyes and sighed, "You're one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever met. You care so much for everyone and hardly leave anything for yourself." He was beginning to struggle with his words. The problem with talking about their past was that he wasn't sure if he'd give away that he still wasn't quite over it. There was this unrelenting fear of saying too much, but he trusted her. "That was one of the things that always made me worry about us. That I was taking all of this love you had to give and not giving enough back."
Her comment about the weather made him laugh and he pursed his lips to try and rein it in. After he composed himself, he nodded, "You're right, seems a little odd to try and make small talk. I hate small talk." And he didn't mind talking to her about the bigger things in life.
It concerned him that she could think he wasn't capable of trusting her after what had happened. Perhaps before he might have hesitated to trust her, but he'd had plenty of time to consider the problems. And most of them happened to land on him. He squeezed her hand, "I don't think I'm capable of losing my trust in you. Whether that's a good thing or just pathetic, I have yet to figure out." He laughed again, but this time it was at himself. Maybe she was right, but until she gave him a current reason not to trust her, he was choosing to ignore what had happened before.
"The fact of the matter is that, while we hit a rough spot before I left, you're still the first person who ever gave me a fair chance. That holds some weight with me." She'd helped him thaw and even probably helped him grow up a little.
Her teasing wasn't lost on him entirely. He supposed he was looking forward to working with her as well. She had the sort of spunky attitude that went along with the type of club he was building. However, he was still new to being the owner and manager of anything, he'd always had it drilled into him that employees should be given the strong and harsh side of the business first and foremost. With that said, his father had never been anything other than strong and harsh in his business and most of his employees hated him. Luca didn't want that.
His lips twisted up at one corner and he held amusement in his eyes, "If you're lucky, I might slip a time or two." Or ten. He really did want to enjoy this business that he was creating, it was the whole point of leaving Romania and starting fresh in Oregon.
Luca offered his hand, "It was very nice meeting you, Miss Cavanaugh. I do hope you enjoy your time here and don't hesitate to come to me if the need arises. I'm open to receiving suggestions and criticism just as open as I am to giving them."
He took a few moments to look at their hands in the middle of the table. Of course he hadn't expected her to take it, he always hated wanting to reach out but not being able to because of his ability. It was dangerous for him to do so with his twin and after the last few years being back with her, he had pulled back in on himself, suddenly aware that it wasn't as natural as it was for everyone else. Callie was used to it in some regard, but he still wasn't sure if he had a right to expect anything.
His eyes traveled back up to her and he shrugged, "I probably put that the wrong way. You aren't the only one who wants to know, but you are the only one that I'm comfortable with knowing." She'd never been judgmental of him, even when he was unpleasant to be around. He could say what he was thinking and she would look deeper into it than just accepting the surface content. It didn't even matter if it was because she tried or if that was just how she approached everyone, it was something he wasn't familiar with in regard to everyone else.
"I didn't mean to make the conversation so heavy. You'll have to excuse me, I'm out of practice on light-hearted conversation," He smiled.
Luca reached across the table, "Callie, you don't have to apologize. You can grill me about anything you want. I don't have any reason to lie to you or keep anything from you." Except for how he felt, he had plenty of reasons to keep that to himself and out of her reach.
He retracted his hand, but kept it sort of in the middle of the table. He didn't want her to feel like he didn't want to tell people about his time with her. It was the only time after his mother's death that he could say he felt something more than just miserable. He'd even go so far as to say he was happy. Being back, after running home expecting a different life, he wasn't sure he'd feel quite right. Coming back to her was the easiest part of being in Oregon, it made him tuck away his doubts about the club and about himself because he knew that she at least had some kind of faith in him.
"You're the only person that makes me think about things that I do. It's kind of nice having someone who wants to know the way my mind works."
"Or people. We can ship her out, right?" She was the only mother they had. And while she had chosen to stay behind to take care of their father, Luca still hoped that she would change her mind soon enough. She deserved better than to be a caretaker for a man who felt nothing for anybody. And the thought of leaving her to deal with the damage he'd caused made Luca feel just as bad as he did when he left his siblings to do the same. He went very dark very fast just thinking about it, so he was thankful when his sister continued speaking and pulled him back.
Her attempt to make him sound like some whiz of a businessman made him laugh. He could appreciate the way she saw him even if he didn't agree with it. That was the problem that he had with everyone, they saw him in a different light than he could see. The Green Fairy was just something that he enjoyed, something that he wasn't willing to let pass by him when he had the opportunity to do something. He'd found the right building at the right time and came into his money not long before that. The universe might as well have been poking and prodding at him to do it. Or maybe it was just their mother giving him signs that he had to do something to get away from the life he had in Romania. It wasn't a terrible life, it just wasn't a life he could stomach. "But you're a large part of why it's happening, you know that I couldn't do it alone." Even if he wanted to, even if he'd tried.
As she began answering his harder question, Luca continued staring down. They'd been brought up very differently, so he couldn't blame her for the answer she gave. He'd have missed his life in Romania too if their mother hadn't died. If things had been different. If he'd never left to begin with. All of the 'ifs' began to get in the way though. He missed his home for what it was early on, but that all vanished when it became a reminder that he was the outcast in his own family. More than anything, he hated how vastly different his sibling was from him in the ways of abilities. He couldn't even reach out to comfort her, not a hug or a pat on the hand, nothing. He lifted his eyes and frowned, "It'll get easier here. It'll get better. You'll miss it less with time."
