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Dark eyes couldn't settle so easily on the form in front of her; she instead looked to the dogs. Things were so transparent with them. Her lips pressed together when she finally dig drag her gaze back up towards the dancer, widening at the question asked of her. She felt the weight of making amends put on her shoulders, and the trainer sucked in a deep breath of the sea air.
"It's not that you're seeing other people, if that's what you think." Natalie started to explain. At the very least, she could try to offer the dancer some sort of insight to her emotions, only now realizing how they weren't clear to her. Nat believed that Lena understood that much, given how she hadn't called or texted the trainer. "I just - I don't think you're as honest as I believed you to be. Not like I thought, and not as much as you think you are either."
She let out a sigh. A decent amount of time had gone by enough for her to linger on this. Who knew an exchange like that night had caused Natalie to stumble upon so much self reflection? "I think we need different things."
Running on the coast, even in the winter, was one of the best ways for Natalie to find clarity. Cool, salty air was refreshing, and lately, she had found herself running almost every day between her own schedule, given that she had dropped the yoga sessions she had been taking in order to not have to step foot into the same building a certain dance instructor worked at daily. She took no consideration when to do so, never considering that someone might try to find her here.
Each foot pushed forward to its own rhythm; Natalie much preferred the sound of the ocean to any music that could blast in her ears. So when she first heard the two small, familiar voices moments before they barked out loud, Natalie knew exactly who they belonged to. Moments later, the owner's voice called out to her. The trainer felt that knot in her stomach, and despite her initial desire to keep running, she slowed and came to a halt. The two dogs that had been playing in the sand slowed as well.
She'd been running for a while now, and the sweat that dripped from her forehead gave good sign of that, as was the slight shortness of her breath. Turning to face the dancer, lifted the back of her hand to her head, wiping some of it away. "Hi Lena," she greeted, though it was hard to sound as enthused as she often had been in the past.
Natalie quickly felt overwhelmed in a place that was supposed to bring her the most comfort. Her distress was honest, and she hadn't a way to really see where the woman in front of her landed, and perhaps she was a little blinded by her own feelings brought on so early in the morning. A glance down and she noticed the way that the Persian kitten had literally stopped Lena from moving closer, and she had to be thankful for that. Whether or not she wanted to, her thoughts filtered into the minds of those creatures around her. Even so, she realized that it was obvious to any living thing that there was something wrong here.
"I'm going to take Jodie and Oz out," Nat explained with no transition into the new subject. With those words, the two dogs quickly got up, walking over towards her. "Feel free to see yourself out. Please." Quickly, she turned and headed towards the bedroom door.
With herself now completely clothed, she glanced over to the woman. Her lips pressed together before she went for a well worn in sweatshirt, drawing it up over her head. The movement kept her busy, because unlike in most situations, she couldn't hide behind a closed door. This was her home. Her hands lifted upwards, drawing out long brown locks from under the thick hood and letting them free.
"You were already out of my bed," Natalie pointed out, feeling the strain of her own tone. Had she not awoken so quickly, would the dancer have been gone? She sucked in a breath, pulling on her socks, next.
"Look, Lena." Already, this was harder than she anticipated. "I wasn't expecting to dive into a relationship with you after what happened. I know how you are with those things." She had, after all, known the girl for three years. "But this?" She gestured to the space between them. How tense it felt. "It's not exactly what I was expecting, either."
What felt like a promise not to lie seemed as if it came a little too late. Good intentions poured out of the dancer, but they fell flat. Her hand hands slowly withdrew, abandoning the connection as she took a step back. She said she wanted this. Them. She reached down, drawing a garment out of the drawer and stepping into it, pulling the fabric up to her waist before she searched for a pair of jeans.
"You said you'd wanted to do that since you first met me." Natalie started to slowly voice her thoughts, though quietly. She could feel the tension of several minds all at once, none of which were the one that she actually wished she could hear. "That was years ago." She secured a pair of jeans, slipping them on as she continued to talk. "Are you sure that you hadn't just gotten what you really wanted last night?"
Only when she could properly look at Lena could she register that something was wrong. Natalie's eyes grew wide as she waiting for what could possibly be the worst, that the dancer had regretted the prior nights events. At least she was telling her now; the trainer did just explain how she'd rather know people's feelings up front. She sucked in a short breath, waiting for the blow to land before something else came entirely.
Confusion quickly settled into her features, a crease forming between her eyebrows. Though they had gone through a bottle of wine together, the evenings events remained clear with the trainer. It wasn't the sort of thing she would be quick to forget.
As Lena continued her explanation, Natalie felt a shot of tension run through her spine, forcing it to straighten a little as she did her best to hear the woman out. Her tongue crossed the length of her lips before she thought to speak. "That - um. That makes sense."
Before she could step into her garments, Natalie felt a set of familiar arms wrap around her once again. It drew a small laugh out of the trainer as she turned her head to try and catch sight of the dancer. The most she caught was locks of bright red hair, given their closeness. Though Natalie was slow to pick it up, the quick question from her dog had her eyebrows furrowing. They had a far better sense of the human spectrum than the brunette did.
"Yes. Of course." Natalie turned properly this time, hands settling on Lena's shoulders. "Is something wrong?"
With the first sound of voices, all the animals in the room started to stir. Immediately, Oz's tail started to wag and Natalie let out a little chuckle at the dog's instant energy. She wished she could borrow some of that. Her hand lifted, running through long, dark locks before letting it settle over her shoulders. When Lena neared, she smiled softly. "Yes, did you?" She asked, eyebrows quirking upward as she started to shift out from under the covers and towards her closet.
There were four dogs in there, after all. It was morning ritual to wake up and let them out. She slipped a t-shirt on over her form.
Fortunately, white wine didn't often cause a hangover for Nat, but she had a tendency to sleep a little heavier after a night of it, and given that the course of events had kept her awake far later than she could have expected, the trainer remained sleeping soundly even as the morning sun filtered in through the cracks in her curtains. Animals had made her way into her large bed, insuring that there was little space to actually move.
Fingers trailing across her skin were the first thing to register on her mind, slow as it was to come out of slumber. A small hum escaped her before she felt pressure against her lips, the prior nights events falling into place.
And suddenly, she was gone. Her eyes squeezed shut more tightly before finally finding the strength to open. The trainer pulled the blankets up around her shoulders, easing herself up without disturbing the large dog beside her. Glancing down at all the pets, her eyebrows furrowed. She had been sure she closed the door. Clearing her throat, she tried to peer into the bathroom to follow where she assumed Lena wandered off to. "Good morning."
What had started with gentle progression quickly turned a little more heated when Lena deepened the kiss between them. Her hands slowly wrapped around the dancer's waist, settling there, even as she chose to shift on top of the trainer. By the time their lips broke apart, Natalie felt herself short of breath and chest pounding. It'd like she'd just gone for a run without having to move a muscle.
Her mind was racing, and it was too fast to catch up with in a moment like then. Briefly, her eyes fluttered open to catch Lena's - and with a brief moment of eye contact between them, she hoped it was enough to say what her voice couldn't manage. To confirm it, her arms wrapped tighter around the dancer.
Since they had first met? Natalie's eyes grew wide as an explanation filled the air around them. She still remained within close proximity, her breath dusting the dancer's lips as she exhaled. They'd known each other for years now; the idea to hold it in for so long had her mind buzzing. Then again, so did the alcohol. She had always considered Lena to be a friend, but this was something else entirely. But why had she waited so long?
Nat reflected back on the last kiss she had; a few weeks ago and it had made her sick to her stomach. It was nothing like the way she felt with her current company.
"I don't know." Natalie confessed, feeling like she deserved to give Lena an honest answer. Still, she leaned in a little closer, catching the dancer's lips again lightly.
When gentle lips pressed against her own, the trainer's reciprocation came far faster than her thoughts. The contact was light, and practically fleeting. It made her chest tighten, though in a way that was completely different than past relations. Her eyes fluttered open, leaning back slightly to try and search Lena's eyes for some sort of answer or explanation. Though they were talking of intimate subjects, she hadn't expected the dancer to kiss her.
"What was that for?" She asked, voice dropping to a whisper; she didn't think it could carry any louder. By no means was she upset or angered, but confusion shone in her eyes as she looked at the dancer.
Natalie genuinely wondered if she truly wasn't the only person that had felt this way. Given her age, she'd had a very limited number of relationships, none of which had gone into much that was serious. There was always something that stopped her. She'd left more first dates feeling drained than actually happy by the company she often shared. Her lips pressed together, forming a thin line, only to be broken when a few strands of hair was removed from her face.
She didn't want to be negative. Really, Natalie was so rarely negative. Again, she felt as if it was the aid of alcohol that made her find a way to voice some of those insecurities that she often only allowed her animal companions to hear. They couldn't judge her. "I just wish that people would voice their thoughts more often. Or act on what they feel."
With Lena's shift, it seemed the whole crew was woken. Even Natalie looked a little startled by the shift, if only because more than half a dozen voices grumbled about their sudden wakening. Fortunately, they were quick to shift themselves and find comfort somewhere else. Her attention immediately shifted back to the dancer, letting her hand be taken easily. She watched her expression carefully, eyebrows furrowing with a simple sounding question that still had the trainer thinking.
"I just want something... genuine." Natalie tried to explain, eyebrows furrowing as she decided t settle her gaze on their hands instead. "People are so complicated. It's like there's some sort of game. It's exhausting trying to keep up."
With all of the animals sound asleep, it seemed so quiet in her apartment. Natalie was so often used to hearing those familiar voices next to her own thoughts; now only the dancer's explanation resonated. She hummed lightly at the idea of taking years to find and confess love. Fingertips grazed against her bare skin and she felt the shift in her own pulse due to the contact. It took her a moment to even catch the question, but a reminder that alcohol was probably a factor in all that.
She let out a slow burning exhale. It was a subject that was never easy for the trainer. "I'm not sure," she confessed, fingertips drawing up the length of Lena's arm, and then down again idly. Nat was barely aware of her own movements. "It's not as if I don't want to find someone, but I don't seem to have it figured out. When I try it just - something isn't right."
