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Olivia pressed her fingers against her forehead and bowed her head, breathing out when Teddy answered her. When she started to apologise for Emmett, Olivia shook her head. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't let things get to me this easily but I do. It gets me going at work, it's a good thing at work sometimes but my personal life is shit because of it." She gave a nervous laughter. "Excuse my language."
She then realised that Teddy had given her nothing in the way of how she felt about the whole thing and her anxiety kicked in on overdrive. She had to nip this in the bud or there would be trouble.
"Teddy, this won't be a problem at work, I promise. I'm still a professional. I've been...professional. It won't get in the way of what we've been working on, I assure you." She nodded, a huge lump forming in her throat. Although she was telling the truth, it didn't mean she liked it. Teddy knowing made it even worst.
Though Teddy knew she didn't have to apologise for Emmett in particular, she knew she enabled the entire situation. She didn't like knowing she had any hand in the way this had turned out. Despite how Olivia sounded, it was a very big deal to end up confessing to anything due to outside influence. Still, she had to laugh a little at the idea of a personal life in shambles. She couldn't help but consider how similar she felt.
And then Olivia circled them back to work. She didn't say a word.
She raised her hand as if to silently ask her to stop talking then and there. Still, she rode out the rest of the ramble about work. "I'm not your boss right now. I'm the woman you... Like?" Teddy realised in that short break that she didn't know what the right words were for this. Sure, she'd used the word in this conversation, but it was such a broad thought.
Easing back in her seat, she knew this must have been awkward for her. She genuinely felt for how uncomfortable this whole thing must have made her. "You're not gay. That's fine; you don't have to be." It wasn't as if it was one or the other in this world. "What is it about me? Is this just a physical thing?" Teddy didn't want to admit that that was how it sounded, so she left it entirely open to her explanation.
Mortified didn't even begin to describe how Olivia was feeling as Teddy shone light on her feelings. It wasn't enough that Emmett had called her out on it, but to hear the object of her attraction say it, it just felt discomforting. Like she was doing something wrong.
Sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, being asked whether it was a physical thing made bile rise to her throat. It wasn't an insult perse but Teddy must have known that Olivia didn't do things on a whim. If anything, the research she had put in a lot of her work should have given her an inkling of how she was when it came to doing things.
But that wasn't in question, was it? How the hell was she supposed to answer now, though? That it started out that way? Olivia was still so sure that it was just professional admiration. Never mind that she had had regular thoughts of them together in some pretty compromising positions, it was just a fantasy. She had fantasised plenty about other people. It didn't mean jack shit, did it?
Something had changed during their New York trip though. She knew that. She wanted to spend whatever time she could with Teddy. She loved watching the woman work. She wanted to get to know more about her than what their regular dinners had given her. Was that really enough reason to say that she liked her in the romantic sense?
She had to give Teddy an answer before things got even more awkward than it already was. "No." She breathed, running her fingers through her mess of hair. She cleared her throat as she looked at Teddy. "I don't know, Teddy. It's not something I can put into words without being...crude."
The question Teddy posed, however taken, was bet with brief silence. It was the kind of quiet she had no choice but to sit through; she wasn't able to articulate the meaning behind her question. It was the first thing she thought of in a situation that wasn't incredibly new to her. Was it self depreciating to assume this was all about how she looked? Maybe.
But then she said no, and it had her eyebrows raising immediately. It wasn't exactly what she expected to hear. Then again, she didn't know what she expected to hear. "Fair enough." She said in the end.
"Sorry, it's hard not to press for information like I usually do." When she wanted to know something it was her go-to mode of questioning. But this was personal, and being abrupt about it clearly wasn't the right way to go. "And I really don't want to push you to talk about this at all. Should I... Go?" She had to wonder if leaving all this up in the air would help in the slightest. At this point, Teddy really didn't know.
This was not going at all in the way she predicted, which was a good thing in a way. At least she wasn't getting fired. But she could see the friendship they had developed crumbling away. It may not seem that way to Teddy but it did to Olivia. There was no way she was going to pursue anything more with the other woman.
When Teddy offered to leave, Olivia instantly felt bad. She didn't even have to come in the first place but she did and there she was being a very bad host.
"I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm being petulant. I don't mean to be. I don't want you to think I'm running you out of the house or anything. I'm just not good at this one-sided crush thing. It hadn't worked before, I don't know why I think this would be any different." She paused and took her mug that had gotten cold while they had sort of hashed it out.
"I'll get you a new one." She reached out to Teddy's mug to pour her out a new one.
The thought to leave filled Teddy's mind almost instantly after she'd said it. She shouldn't have offered, she should have just gone. Olivia was speaking harshly of herself, if Teddy had the chance to be honest. But she barely had the time to talk. Olivia was pushing ahead. Teddy couldn't really blame her for the decision to do so. For her, this was borderline awful.
Teddy let her take the untouched mug before her. It had been completely gone from her mind, her focus far more attuned to the conversation they were having instead. She smiled at her in small gratitude, but she couldn't deny how much easier it felt once Olivia's eyes weren't on her. That was a new feeling. In the safety of a lack of eye contact, she had to finally speak up again.
As she rinsed out the mugs and left them in the sink, she took new ones and grabbed the coffee pot, glad for the distraction and the abundance of proximity between them.
She breathed as she poured steaming hot coffee into the mugs. Her grip on the coffee pot tightened when Teddy piped up. The lump on her throat somehow grew bigger and her breathing shallowed.
This wasn't an admission, Olivia had to remind herself. It was just a question, nothing more. She couldn't get her hopes up. She shouldn't.
And yet there it was. Up.
Emmett didn't say anything about how Teddy felt. In fact all Emmett was concerned about was Olivia acting on her feelings for the other brunette.
No, she couldn't do this to herself. Teddy was a lawyer. Her line of questioning was usually duplicitous in nature. This was nothing more than a question.
Olivia continued to pour the coffees before going back to the table, handing Teddy one and taking the other to warm her hands up. "Just that she was going to pursue you if I didn't do anything." She responded. She didn't know where this was going and frankly she was scared of the outcome.
Teddy was absolutely looking for any sign of falter with her own words. She searched the body far enough away from her from even the smallest sign of something landing. This was, up until now, a very one-sided conversation. All the power sat neatly in the Brit's hands and she used her line of questioning accordingly. This one must have seemed like no exception to that. All she could do was wait for an answer.
The first thing Teddy did was laugh. Of course Emmett would say that; she was the one parading around their workplace while Teddy was away asking when her girlfriend was coming back. "I'm gathering that you didn't plan on doing anything." She explained, but this time she kept her tone light. She was almost joking. Somehow, the mood felt a little lighter with what she took as a weak joke by the absent party in all this.
Raising the mug to her lips, she forced herself to look away. A day off visiting Olivia, and this was the conversation at hand. She forced herself to stop smiling at the strangeness of it all. "Would it be so bad if I did like you?" Teddy asked, refusing herself a cheater's glance at her first response.
Teddy's response had Olivia smiling slightly before she shook her head at the remark. She didn't know if words would do that justice so she kept it at that.
She almost choked on her coffee when Teddy resumed talking. Olivia set her mug down and pulled her sleeves up to dab at her mouth as she gaped at Teddy. Disbelief etched clearly on her face, Olivia started to laugh uncomfortably. "Please don't do this. I'm not equipped emotionally to withstand any sort of pity or worst...if this is just a joke. I...can't." She shouldn't have said it. Teddy had been nothing but forthcoming about anything Olivia had asked. There had been no pretense.
Teddy gave herself a few seconds of grace before she did look back. It was enough time to stop herself from using her ability to catch whatever initial thoughts crossed her mind before she got control. That was a big deal for her; after all, there was nothing stopping her from getting the information she wanted with a little look. It was a courtesy.
That awkward laugh had Teddy smiling still as she set the mug down on the table. She saw no point in hiding her face now.
"I don't do anything out of pity." Teddy pointed out first. There was no point to it, "That goes especially for my personal life. I don't get much time for it, so when I do, I don't think to waste it on being nice." She spent time with Emmett because they were friends. They might have had a strange friendship that seemed unconventional, but she wouldn't waste time on her either if she didn't get something out of the connection they had. This was no different.
She reached out then, settling a hand against Olivia's lightly. "You don't think I'd be cruel enough to joke about this with you, do you?"
She could hear Teddy's words perfectly but nothing in Olivia's brain was helping her compute them in anything that made actual sense. It didn't help matters when Teddy placed a hand over Olivia's. The urge to turn her own around so they could touch was overwhelming but she still couldn't understand it.
"No. I knew that just as I was saying it. I..." she struggled to find the words but none came and she didn't know what to do. She looked up at Teddy with a small frown.
There was no immediate response from the connection Teddy made. That didn't surprise her, but she did notice that there wasn't an immediate disconnect between them either. When she frowned, Teddy's eyes offered sympathy again. She couldn't begin to understand what was going on in this woman's mind; their situations were completely different.
"Nothing says you have to know what you're doing." She pointed out. Easing her fingertips around the curve of her hand, they brushed against her palm as she offered a light squeeze. Only then did she make it easier on her - or perhaps herself - by letting go.
"I'm sorry; I probably ruined your morning." Teddy tried again, offering a faltering smile. "I'm going to go, okay? So you can think about... All this." She doubted her involvement in that would help matters in the slightest. She felt her own presence overwhelming, and therefore, unhelpful in the long run.
Teddy had a point and Olivia appreciated her for saying that. It didn't make things any easier but it did comfort her that even if it was true that Teddy liked her back, she didn't have to be on top of that herself.
When she let go, Olivia's lips parted to let out a slow breath. "Please don't." Olivia said after a beat. "I can assure you, I am not going to think any better without you around." One corner of her lips quirked up slightly before she took a deep breath and reached out to take Teddy's hand. On purpose this time.
She didn't know what the hell she was trying to do but Teddy had made the first move, it was only fair that she made the second one. If Teddy was a man, she would have done a lot more. She didn't understand why it had to be any different.
"I'm not going to ask you to give me a crash course on this but uh...I think you're going to have to remind me that you actually like me a lot more often than you usually do. Also...um...thanks?" She pressed her free hand up to her eyes and sighed. "I sound so dumb right now."
Teddy was a mere moment from easing herself out of her seat when she was told not to go. For whatever reason, it sounded oddly personal. Perhaps it was the unsure nature this woman offered to every word Teddy had said so far. Either way, she felt like there was no point in going if she actually wanted her to stay.
Bright eyes fought the urge to look at the hand that dared to hold her own. Instead, she revelled in the way she was allowed eye contact. Though she'd never say it out loud, the admission on Olivia's part sounded a little childish. Teddy was well aware of he maintenance that coincided with dating women, but the phrasing had her pressing her lips together to stop herself from finding humour in it all. "You're fine." She reassured her either way. It wasn't such a difficult thing to do, and even if it only helped a little, it was worth it.
Glad that Teddy decided against leaving, Olivia breathed a sigh of relief as her hand squeezed Teddy's. Her reassurance meant a lot but her anxiety ran deep. She still couldn't figure out whether she was doing the right thing.
A small huff of laughter left Olivia's lips at Teddy's observation. "I think that's an easy understatement." She responded. "I'm not entirely sure what the deal even is yet, to be honest." She shook her head before settling her eyes on Teddy's. "I'm sorry you're the one that has to deal with what I'm going to assume would be a complete mess that is me. Are you sure you like me?" She asked that as a joke but even so, there was some truth to it.
