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Be Free on Feb 17, 2018 3:39:52 GMT
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179 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Surprisingly, getting back to normal wasn't that difficult. Olivia was a lot less inhibited with her interactions with Teddy. She took Teddy's words to heart about not being so analytical about what she wanted and it did ease most of her worries overall. Frankly, confessing her feelings for Teddy had been the ticket to being completely comfortable with herself.
It didn't, however, stop her from being mortified the next time she saw Emmett though. The threat of Emmett stealing Teddy from her still loomed over her head but she knew making a decision about a potential future with Teddy should not be based on a threat, no matter how plausible it was to be executed. She wanted to be with Teddy on her own volition.
When the weekend finally came, Olivia decided that it had been enough time for her to really figure out what she wanted to do regarding what she and Teddy could have. With that in mind, she went over to Teddy's office and knocked on her door gingerly before entering. "I hope I'm not interrupting."
our road is long
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118 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia stared at Teddy for a while as the other brunette added her afterthought. It was a bit difficult to keep a straight face about it when Olivia had been single for three straight years because she hadn't felt an attraction towards anyone quite as much as she did with Teddy the past couple of months.
She kept that little nugget to herself as she somehow felt the end to this conversation on that note. She didn't want to run Teddy out but at the same time, Olivia had kept her here for long enough. She stood up and waited for Teddy to do the same before ushering her to the front door.
"I'll see you tomorrow then."
our road is long
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165 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's reassurance meant a lot to Olivia and she breathed out a sigh of relief. Although she supposed she shouldn't have doubted Teddy in the first place.
Olivia leaned forward when Teddy mentioned giving advice. She pursed her lips and covered her mouth with a hand as she realised just how ill-fitting the advice seemed to be for her. "I may have researched how best to approach the guy I like. And what to do on dates."
To be fair, she was fourteen when she did that. Women's magazines were a lie.
"But I do get where you're coming from." She ended up saying before mulling over the last piece of advice Teddy gave her. She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip and nodded, leaning back in her chair with a soft sigh. She had a lot to think about and it wasn't even noon.
"Thanks, Teddy. For coming over and for talking to me. You don't know how much it means to me."
our road is long
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236 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia easily caught the frown on Teddy's face and she realised what she had said was not kosher. She was being blunt, something that usually got her into trouble, but most of the time, it really was out of ignorance and not arrogance. But Olivia was someone who benefitted from being told she was wrong.
The word heteronormativity was one Olivia only found out about recently and she never thought to research further, something she immediately regretted now. She kept quiet about it for now and let Teddy continue to speak.
She nodded when Teddy ended and she realised that the other woman was right. There was nothing normal when it came to things like that. She had known people to literally kill for what they assume to be love. And then there were people like her, who would have kept her secret to the grave if she hadn't been prompted. So why should there be a procedure to anything regarding that?
Olivia sighed and her body hiccuped as a short bark of laughter escaped her. "There's no argument there." She took a deep breath and looked at Teddy, reaching out to take her hand and held it for a while. "This is a learning process for me. I'm probably gonna be doing a lot of research on this because I know fuck all about this. But I hope this doesn't jeopardise whatever we had before."
our road is long
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104 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Now that she had to actually think about it, she shouldn't really feel so strange about it. She was aware of all the labels attached to sexuality and how fluid it was. But she did find it strange that she was experiencing it. And she said so to Teddy with a sheepish grin.
"I guess I've just been around people who were straight that everything else seems strange?" She shrugged. "It seems kind of odd that I live in a world where metas exist yet I can't seem to grasp the idea that sexuality can be so fluid." She shook her head in amusement.
our road is long
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130 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
It had been around the same time that Olivia had more or less began to question her emotions for the other woman that Teddy started to do the same. Olivia had to smile at Teddy's smirk. "I'd say you've had twenty odd years over me for that." She chuckled lightly.
The question had her shrugging before she mimicked Teddy's answer from before. "Always." She breathed out and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it out of her face. "It was my normal until now. Which isn't to say this is abnormal, it's just not something I ever thought about before."
Furrowing her brows, Olivia looked at Teddy and leaned forward. "The thing is, it's not like my attraction towards men went away when I started realising I liked you."
our road is long
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156 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Teddy's answer didn't help Olivia at all. And even when she further explained it, Olivia didn't seem to find it helpful. If she were being honest, her attraction towards men still made sense to her. It wasn't that she suddenly didn't find men attractive. It just seemed like her appreciation for Teddy in particular that seemed to be on the forefront now.
The answer seemed so obvious to her but somehow, it didn't feel enough.
When Teddy continued further, Olivia's eyes locked on to hers and her cheeks heated up like a furnace at Teddy's conclusion. This woman wasn't kidding when she said this wasn't her first.
"This...isn't a big deal, is it." Olivia sighed, realising that she was making a mountain out of a mole hill. She knew she was making it a lot more complicated than it should be. Especially for Teddy. "Can I ask you how long you've...given me that look?"
our road is long
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163 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
"Jesus." Olivia breathed. "I'm really sorry." She never knew what to say to people who have lost loved ones. Especially in this context, she didn't know whether it was okay to hug her or not. Teddy did seem very put-together still. She seemed to have accepted the fact.
"I'm glad you still have someone who knows what you went through." She offered, not knowing what else to say to that.
She took a sip from her mug and pursed her lips as she thought of something else to say to move on from the topic. "I have to ask though...I hope I don't sound insensitive but...how long have you known you were gay?" She asked. That question had definitely been burning in her mind and she figured now was as good a time as any. It might not have been the best time, considering she had just told Olivia that she was an orphan. But when, really, was a good time?
our road is long
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91 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia had a good relationship with both her parents. So often she found people who didn't have that so finding someone who did was pretty nice. Family was everything to Olivia.
Her jaw slackened when she found out that Teddy's father had passed, making the move to Oregon seem necessary. They had both moved because of family, it seemed.
She reached out and placed her hand on Teddy's knee tentatively before removing it. "That must not have been easy. And your mother and brother, how did they react to you moving?"
our road is long
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148 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Nodding at what she was offered, Olivia kind of understood where she was coming from. They obviously had very different backgrounds but Olivia understood why Teddy would want to keep that part of her separate.
The reprieve from eye contact made Olivia realise how much she actually liked it. Before, she couldn't look at Teddy properly because she was afraid she might spook the other woman. Or that Teddy could see things about her that she wasn't ready to share. Now, all she wanted to do was keep eye contact. It was a little surreal if she were being honest.
She smiled a bitter sweet smile when she realised that Teddy had been in somewhat of the same boat as her. Teddy had given her the chance to prove she was worthy too and she was definitely grateful for it.
"Were you close with your father?" Olivia asked.
our road is long
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131 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Olivia couldn't help but laugh when Teddy admitted to knowing more about her than the other way around. That could actually be said about a lot of other people in her life. She was an easy woman to read.
She figured, if it was easier for Teddy to be asked questions, then Olivia would oblige. She'd never had any problems asking questions even though sometimes she asked the wrong ones. Now that she was given a different type of reign, she was going to take full advantage of it.
When Teddy spoke again, Olivia straightened up and a smile adorned her face at the fact she had shared. "You don't like that part of you much, huh." Olivia responded after a beat. "The very obviously English part of you I mean."
our road is long
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302 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Though there were still some very unresolved mixed emotions running through Olivia, she couldn't help but take a minute to appreciate the woman sitting across from her. She looked so much softer with her hair down. It's going to be a lot more difficult to stop staring now that she knew Teddy liked her too.
She grimaced slightly when she was told that it was up to her what they were going to do next. She had barely had time to fully understand the fact that she was attracted to a woman but at the same time how scarily at ease she seemed to be with it.
When Teddy bit her lower lip, Olivia couldn't say she had ever seen the other woman look so vulnerable before. And the words accompanying it had Olivia grimacing slightly. She couldn't help drawing parallels of her own failures in her previous relationships. Was Teddy already pulling away?
It wasn't exactly a sign of a good relationship when the person you want to enter it with already sees the cracks. Even if it was self-depracating than anything else.
Olivia didn't know how to respond because whatever she wanted to say was going to sound like a promise that she might not be able to keep. She couldn't tell Teddy that she won't change her mind about how she felt because Teddy was still a hard woman to read. Olivia liked what she saw but the woman held back so much.
"Is it okay if we at least try to be more...open with each other? I don't mean you answering all my questions when I can think of any but...letting me in on things you otherwise wouldn't with other people. I can promise I will do the same for you if you want me to."
our road is long
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131 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
This really was becoming a lot like work, having to work out details like a business transaction. It was weird and unsettling how easy it was for her to get into that mind set. Knowing she wasn't Teddy's first inter office relationship both worried and relieved her, funnily enough but she remained quiet about it.
She nodded and leaned back against her chair, gently tugging at her hand from Teddy's. She didn't know how to make sure Teddy didn't think she was pulling away for any other reason besides the fact that she wanted to lean back so she settled for a gentle smile.
"So..." she propped her elbow up on her table with her chin rested on her hand as she looked at Teddy. "Where do we go from here?"
our road is long
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160 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
It was most certainly weird hearing those words coming from a woman. And once again, the reassurance chipped away at the anxiety. Seeking validation from people often left a weird taste in Olivia's mouth but once in a while, she just needed it.
Olivia straightened up and knocked on the table. "That is exactly how I'm feeling. I know it's the stupidest thing. Like...I know people have different preferences and I'm fine with that but this just takes me back to the time when I had my first crush on a boy in grade school and it's confusing me right now." She admitted before shaking her head and sighing.
"I have way too many questions about this but I don't want to scare you off. But seriously...we have to go to work tomorrow and...well, isn't there a policy against having...inter-office relations?" She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering when the word vomit was going to stop.
our road is long
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125 Words
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i'm driving fast now
don't think i know how to go slow
Glad that Teddy decided against leaving, Olivia breathed a sigh of relief as her hand squeezed Teddy's. Her reassurance meant a lot but her anxiety ran deep. She still couldn't figure out whether she was doing the right thing.
A small huff of laughter left Olivia's lips at Teddy's observation. "I think that's an easy understatement." She responded. "I'm not entirely sure what the deal even is yet, to be honest." She shook her head before settling her eyes on Teddy's. "I'm sorry you're the one that has to deal with what I'm going to assume would be a complete mess that is me. Are you sure you like me?" She asked that as a joke but even so, there was some truth to it.
our road is long
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