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Teddy had a point and Olivia appreciated her for saying that. It didn't make things any easier but it did comfort her that even if it was true that Teddy liked her back, she didn't have to be on top of that herself.
When she let go, Olivia's lips parted to let out a slow breath. "Please don't." Olivia said after a beat. "I can assure you, I am not going to think any better without you around." One corner of her lips quirked up slightly before she took a deep breath and reached out to take Teddy's hand. On purpose this time.
She didn't know what the hell she was trying to do but Teddy had made the first move, it was only fair that she made the second one. If Teddy was a man, she would have done a lot more. She didn't understand why it had to be any different.
"I'm not going to ask you to give me a crash course on this but uh...I think you're going to have to remind me that you actually like me a lot more often than you usually do. Also...um...thanks?" She pressed her free hand up to her eyes and sighed. "I sound so dumb right now."
She could hear Teddy's words perfectly but nothing in Olivia's brain was helping her compute them in anything that made actual sense. It didn't help matters when Teddy placed a hand over Olivia's. The urge to turn her own around so they could touch was overwhelming but she still couldn't understand it.
"No. I knew that just as I was saying it. I..." she struggled to find the words but none came and she didn't know what to do. She looked up at Teddy with a small frown.
Teddy's response had Olivia smiling slightly before she shook her head at the remark. She didn't know if words would do that justice so she kept it at that.
She almost choked on her coffee when Teddy resumed talking. Olivia set her mug down and pulled her sleeves up to dab at her mouth as she gaped at Teddy. Disbelief etched clearly on her face, Olivia started to laugh uncomfortably. "Please don't do this. I'm not equipped emotionally to withstand any sort of pity or worst...if this is just a joke. I...can't." She shouldn't have said it. Teddy had been nothing but forthcoming about anything Olivia had asked. There had been no pretense.
As she rinsed out the mugs and left them in the sink, she took new ones and grabbed the coffee pot, glad for the distraction and the abundance of proximity between them.
She breathed as she poured steaming hot coffee into the mugs. Her grip on the coffee pot tightened when Teddy piped up. The lump on her throat somehow grew bigger and her breathing shallowed.
This wasn't an admission, Olivia had to remind herself. It was just a question, nothing more. She couldn't get her hopes up. She shouldn't.
And yet there it was. Up.
Emmett didn't say anything about how Teddy felt. In fact all Emmett was concerned about was Olivia acting on her feelings for the other brunette.
No, she couldn't do this to herself. Teddy was a lawyer. Her line of questioning was usually duplicitous in nature. This was nothing more than a question.
Olivia continued to pour the coffees before going back to the table, handing Teddy one and taking the other to warm her hands up. "Just that she was going to pursue you if I didn't do anything." She responded. She didn't know where this was going and frankly she was scared of the outcome.
This was not going at all in the way she predicted, which was a good thing in a way. At least she wasn't getting fired. But she could see the friendship they had developed crumbling away. It may not seem that way to Teddy but it did to Olivia. There was no way she was going to pursue anything more with the other woman.
When Teddy offered to leave, Olivia instantly felt bad. She didn't even have to come in the first place but she did and there she was being a very bad host.
"I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm being petulant. I don't mean to be. I don't want you to think I'm running you out of the house or anything. I'm just not good at this one-sided crush thing. It hadn't worked before, I don't know why I think this would be any different." She paused and took her mug that had gotten cold while they had sort of hashed it out.
"I'll get you a new one." She reached out to Teddy's mug to pour her out a new one.
Mortified didn't even begin to describe how Olivia was feeling as Teddy shone light on her feelings. It wasn't enough that Emmett had called her out on it, but to hear the object of her attraction say it, it just felt discomforting. Like she was doing something wrong.
Sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, being asked whether it was a physical thing made bile rise to her throat. It wasn't an insult perse but Teddy must have known that Olivia didn't do things on a whim. If anything, the research she had put in a lot of her work should have given her an inkling of how she was when it came to doing things.
But that wasn't in question, was it? How the hell was she supposed to answer now, though? That it started out that way? Olivia was still so sure that it was just professional admiration. Never mind that she had had regular thoughts of them together in some pretty compromising positions, it was just a fantasy. She had fantasised plenty about other people. It didn't mean jack shit, did it?
Something had changed during their New York trip though. She knew that. She wanted to spend whatever time she could with Teddy. She loved watching the woman work. She wanted to get to know more about her than what their regular dinners had given her. Was that really enough reason to say that she liked her in the romantic sense?
She had to give Teddy an answer before things got even more awkward than it already was. "No." She breathed, running her fingers through her mess of hair. She cleared her throat as she looked at Teddy. "I don't know, Teddy. It's not something I can put into words without being...crude."
Olivia pressed her fingers against her forehead and bowed her head, breathing out when Teddy answered her. When she started to apologise for Emmett, Olivia shook her head. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't let things get to me this easily but I do. It gets me going at work, it's a good thing at work sometimes but my personal life is shit because of it." She gave a nervous laughter. "Excuse my language."
She then realised that Teddy had given her nothing in the way of how she felt about the whole thing and her anxiety kicked in on overdrive. She had to nip this in the bud or there would be trouble.
"Teddy, this won't be a problem at work, I promise. I'm still a professional. I've been...professional. It won't get in the way of what we've been working on, I assure you." She nodded, a huge lump forming in her throat. Although she was telling the truth, it didn't mean she liked it. Teddy knowing made it even worst.
If Emmett hadn't spoken to her, Olivia would probably have just kept mum about it for the rest of her natural life. It just wasn't something she would share with anyone. She's never made the first move in anything, least of all something she was still so new at and unsure of.
She used the lord's name in vain when Teddy asked her question and Olivia finally looked up at her boss, eyes full of fear, curiosity and confusion. "Rambling? For...not fully understanding my situation. For putting all this on you. I don't know. You came out all this way and..." her eyebrows furrowed and she leaned back in her chair.
"You knew, didn't you." It wasn't a question. It usually never was with Teddy. Olivia had come to realise that a lot of things that happened in and around the office was always something Teddy was immediately in the know. It might have been a suspicion but Teddy somehow always knew.
She could feel Teddy's stare on her as she ate and she felt guilty withholding information. But there was no way she could tell Teddy. Not this.
Her softening her features to look more approachable didn't help. It just made things much worst. At this point, denying her feelings for her boss would just be straight up kooky dooks.
Emmett's words came back to haunt her and she tapped her table surface with her closed fist and sigh. "Emmett said that if I liked you it's not honest and respectful if I don't tell you. But if I tell you, I'm afraid you'll reject me and tell me I'm being unprofessional and I will either lose our friendship or my job or both and I can't afford to lose either because you're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me and this job is my calling." She paused and cursed under her breath.
"I'm not gay. I don't know what I am. But being around you every day has gotten me all mixed up and I don't know what to do about it." She covered her face for a brief moment before rubbing her hands over it. "I'm sorry."
Emmett didn't tell her anything? Well thank God for small miracles. Dumb was never an adjective she would peg on Emmett but chatty was so the fact that she didn't say anything was most definitely a miracle.
But therein too lay the problem. She'd pretty much admitted that they had spoken about something but she couldn't very well tell Teddy what. Why did she always fall for that trap? Cameron and Kenny had that effect on her too, which was ridiculous. She was their aunt!
"I see. Well. Um, problem solved. You don't need to worry about anything. I'm so sorry you had to trouble yourself and come all the way here." She hurried through her speech before chewing on a piece of bacon.
And then the dread properly set in her stomach. There it was. The reason why the other woman was here. She was going to tell her that she was unprofessional and that whatever happened outside of the office had no place in the office.
She tried to force food down her throat and surprisingly found it easier than she initially thought.
"I don't know what Emmett told you but I swear she had it all wrong." She responded after swallowing her food. She took a sip from her mug and set it down with a slight tremble.
A pleasantly surprised look crossed Olivia's face and she smiled. "Oh good." She walked into the kitchen, leaving Teddy to explore her very minimalistic home. She didn't spend much time at home so she got the essentials. The only personal touch the living room had were the four mahogany bookshelves at the corners of the living room filled with books and trinkets.
Even her kitchen was a little impersonal with just the bare necessities but her fridge was covered in pictures of her family. She designated just one part of each room to herself but otherwise minimalistic and clean.
"I know." She chuckled. "I might have surveyed the place a little too meticulously before settling here." She offered as she poured the coffee, just like she did at the office. She walked over to the entrance of the kitchen and gestured for the blue-eyed brunette to come in.
"So...what did you come here to talk to me about?" She asked as she settled into her breakfast nook with her coffee, bacon and waffles. If she was about to be reprimanded for her lack of professionalism, she wanted to do it on a full stomach.
When Teddy's smile dropped slightly, Olivia's anxieties were proven true. She knew. And now she wants to put an end to it. Ever the strategist, Teddy had chosen to come to Olivia's home because there was nowhere she could run to. At least, that was what Olivia thought.
And it wasn't like she would turn Teddy away.
"No, no. It's fine. Coffee's brewing right now, I'm guessing you haven't had your breakfast?" She meant it as a question but at the same time, it really wasn't. The time they had spent in New York taught her that Teddy often didn't care for herself in the food department at times.
Even in her anxiety, all Olivia could think of was Teddy's well being. What was her deal, indeed.
Stepping aside and opening the door wider, she gestured for Teddy to come in. "Um...if you don't mind, there are slippers over there if you could remove your shoes?" Olivia pointed to the small shoe rack with a number of fuzzy slippers for Teddy to choose from. She didn't normally have time to clean her house so the less dirt trekking through from the outside, the better for her.
After that confusing and ridiculously embarrassing conversation with Emmett where she basically told the blonde that she had feelings for her boss, Olivia tried to think of damage control. She wanted to call the number back but she wouldn't know how to respond if Teddy picked up instead of Emmett.
She had to wonder if the mechanic would actually tell Teddy about the conversation. God, if Teddy knew, and didn't reciprocate, would it be worst if she confronted her about it or kept quiet?
Olivia was not ready for anyone to know how she felt about women let alone one specific one. She still wasn't even sure if it was anything more than a professional admiration. So what if she was attracted to Teddy? Anyone with eyes would be.
The fact that Emmett thought that it was disrespectful and dishonest that she wouldn't let Teddy know was screwing up with Olivia's mind. She knew she was overthinking it but was that so bad? Teddy was her boss! It didn't bode well for Olivia to feel anything untowards for her.
She loved her job. She loved working for Teddy. These little feelings she had, it was probably nothing.
She thought all that in between the time the call ended and when she went to sleep. It only picked up more when she woke up the next day and contemplated on calling Teddy to clear things up. And a whole day went by with just her staring at the phone, picking it up, looking at the unsaved number, wondering whether she should just delete it or save it. She already committed it to memory so neither were necessary options now.
She went to sleep feeling completely unsatisfied and the next morning, she woke up hoping against all odds that she would just forget it. But as she started making breakfast, still in her sleepwear with her mess of curly hair made messier after climbing out of bed, she was still mulling it over, wondering how she was going to conduct herself come Monday morning when she would be forced to interact with Teddy.
She had half a mind to call Cameron to ask for his advice or even Casey but it was too early and this was so banal. She was thirty years old and she was worried about feelings. Where was this when she was a teenager?
Half way through plating her breakfast, there was a knock on the door. Eyebrows furrowed, she pulled her hoodie close around her body as she moved to the door, opening it and freezing the moment she saw the smiling face of the woman she had been agonising over the past thirty hours.
"Teddy." She managed to squeeze out. It took everything in her not to just slam the door and be done with it. "W-what are you doing here?"
She heard the sigh over the phone and Olivia couldn't comprehend why she was so insistent. They didn't know each other on even the most superficial level, why was she so invested?
It was Olivia's turn to sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Briefly, she wondered why in the world she was entertaining this conversation. Emmett was clearly drunk.
"Emmett, I don't think you're dumb. I don't know you enough to have a clear assessment of who and what you actually are. But I work for Teddy. She's my boss. Telling her how I feel is unprofessional." She responded before hurriedly adding, "Regardless of what those feelings are."
