ONCE BURNED was made by MEL. Copying, altering, or stealing any of the site's content is prohibited. All of ONCE BURNED's characters are the original work of their owners and may not be replicated or stolen. All images and graphics belong to their rightful owners and ONCE BURNED does not claim to own any of them.
Ella knew the prospect of her own very early death would do something to him. She always did her best to seem so bright and happy, and so she often ignored the darker calls that had happened in her younger life. Therapy wasn't something she told anyone about. Again, she had to constantly remind herself that he was better than that. He was worth it, and he surely wouldn't run because of a little more detail into her life.
The little swear he gave had her looking over at him. The squeeze to her hand was comforting. He was good like that.
"I think that's why I didn't like it for so long. Why I still don't, really." She couldn't think of anything good that had come from this overarching ability she had. Sure, she had insight to how a lot of people felt in certain moments, but that wasn't a positive in her eyes. "I was just really lucky that the recruiter I got was so good, y'know? I remember talking to him for ages after I got to school, like he was my new therapist or something." It took years to let go of the crutch on her life that he was, but she was better for it now.
"And that's why people like you used to scare me a little when I was younger. Like, I couldn't control anything around you."
If anything, the idea of Ella's death caused more of a reaction out of James rather than therapy. Therapy had the potential to do good, but in her case, potentially not. He got distracted momentarily by his own thoughts, about a life without her presence. She was everything and even the thought alone was enough to cause a sharp exhale from his lungs.
"Which is completely understandable." James agreed. Often, the negative consequences of meta abilities were ignored in favour of focusing on the positive. Side effects, the manifestation itself, everything had to be dealt with. "Hemokinesis isn't exactly one of those glamourized abilities."
"Your support system." He added on. The role that therapy was supposed to play in Ella's life, replaced by her recruiter. "Did he help make the whole process easier? Or at least bearable." James amended.
Nodding, James looked over at her face. He remembered sharing a similar conversation with Ella a few years ago, where they both described their initial encounter as overwhelming. "Now it makes more sense. Control is so important during the earlier stages. Having no control is..." He trailed off, searching for the right word. "You know, terrifying. No control means that anything can happen in the blink of an eye."
The question of a support system was worth Ella considering it for a second or so. "I hated it when I was a kid, then I got used to it. I hated again when I was a teenager, but I guess it taught me tactics to use whenever I'm stressed out." Which didn't happen often. Life was actually pretty good these days, due in no small part to his existence in her life.
She had to laugh when he talked about the instability of control. A slight step out of place and she was nudging him with her shoulder as they walked. A lack of control was exactly how they started, wasn't it?
"Control is fine now, though. But y'know, I never thought you'd really like me if I started bleeding from my hands or something." Given the man he was now, it likely wouldn't have made any difference. Still, she was grateful it never turned to that.
James raised an eyebrow when Ella laughed and nudged his shoulder, taking an extra second to process exactly what he said. As soon as the realization dawned on him, he let out an amused chuckle. His words applied to more than just the circumstance of manifestation; but to the formation of their relationship.
Grinning, James shook his head. "Who knows. It would have given me an excuse to talk to you more." Which begged the question; would he have stuck around? "Or maybe I'd run, scared that I would be next or something." Perhaps their history was better the way it is. Better to keep the distance, though any time spent apart now James found himself longing for Ella's presence.
"I mean, I'm sure we would have found each other eventually. Some way, somehow."
Laughing, Ella was almost positive that James wouldn't have looked at her for another second if she'd done anything weird like she very likely could have. At least he admitted it after a second or so. They both knew he was a shallow guy in high school and she was a quiet introvert who just wanted to get out of there and go back home. Not that she ever did.
"Pretty sure you like me in spite of the weird twenty-four-seven heart monitoring." She pointed out. After all, it must have always been on his mind in some way. She could feel the way he panicked in the middle of the night, and though she would never confront him about that, he could never lie to her and get away with it.
His smile widened, unable to help the laugh he let out shortly afterwards. That was one way to describe it. "It's alright. I mean, it's an adjustment but I'm not the one who has to deal with it on a constant basis." Sure, it made lying to Ella an impossibility, but he tried not to do it in the first place. Often, James corrected himself, calling himself out before she had the chance to. The heart gave away his nerves, his responses, but rarely did she say anything.
Lately, James felt himself thinking a lot during the night, about their relationship. Restless thoughts lead to increased anxiety, which caused disruptions in his heart rate. They were getting older, and the natural progression of a relationship called for certain milestones. Marriage. Children; they already covered that subject awkwardly sometime back. But words failed every time.
James let go of Ella's hand, only to connect with her waist. Drawing in closer, he the top of her head. "Besides, it's not just pretty sure." He amended her previous statement. "I do love you."
Had he even said that to her out loud before? He assumed it was a given between them, but one could never be sure without the words being spoken. Without the pressure or hype surrounding love, it felt... easier. To just say it without sending his heart into overdrive.
When she felt him let go, Ella didn't think much of the fact, especially when he swept her closer with an arm instead. Any distance between them was completely eradicated. He was awfully good at easing her troubles away; sure, it was self deprecating to wonder why he bothered with her, but didn't everyone feel that way when faced with someone so perfect?
Reassurance came with an entirely new admission. Sure, Ella had been pretty sure James had strong feelings for her, but she also knew he wasn't the type to talk about his feelings all that much. His heart kicked into high gear with the revelation catching him seconds after his words struck the air.
She stopped instantly, staring back at him. "What?"
An increased heart rate gave away his inner nerves once the realization struck James. The shift in tempo was rapid, yet consistent. His arm around her tightened unconsciously, as if to maintain grip on the situation. His free hand moved to the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, fingertips running along the corners. Another dead giveaway at his anxiety over what just happened. What was he thinking? But that was the problem; he wasn't. It just was.
Ella stopped and he did a step later, feeling her eyes on him. Daringly, James made eye contact and opened his mouth to speak. Instead, warmth flushed his features and the sound of his own heart overwhelmed his senses. So loud; overwhelmingly so.
"I love you." He managed to repeat after a few beats. Why was it so nerve-wracking to say it out loud? In a word, Ella was everything for James. "I don't really know what else to say."
The step he took that she didn't forced distance between them, if only a little. Ella used that momentum to hopefully catch the look in his eyes. He had to be grinning, right? He was joking like he used to when they were younger.
But he was blushing. Ella could feel how the blood rushed to his face before she actually saw it. He said it again and even he couldn't sell it like it wasn't a big deal.
"Um." She offered the short sound instinctively. She didn't know what to say either, and that must have been incredibly obvious at this point. "Why?" There was very little about herself that she seemed loveable.
Instantly after the word left her mouth, she raised a hand to cover his lips to stop the potential response. "No. I don't want to know."
For a moment, he considered playing it off like it was no big deal. But when she knew the exact details of his circulatory system, it made it impossible. Plus, they had been discussing it only minutes before. It left James with one option even if the other one was preferable.
James felt the beginnings of a migraine, a dull pain behind his temples. A side effect common for someone with perfect hearing. He exhaled after Ella spoke, followed by silence. Not perfectly so, given the current state of his heart. Deep breaths attempted to settle the tempo.
Then, Ella asked a question; why? His eyebrows narrowed at the confusion. It was a simple, yet vague question to ask. Did she expect a response? Or was it her self deprecating nature. James assumed the latter but didn't get a chance to speak when her hand covered his mouth. Eyes widened with a slight tilt of his head. "You don't want to know or this isn't the time and place?" He tried, but his speech was muffled by her palm.
Ella knew she had to get the jump on this. Standing there in the middle of their place of work was absolutely not the best time to have this discussion. Though his words were muffled by her hand, she still managed to understand them. She wasn't sure which of the options was supposed to be the right one. Maybe it was both.
"I don't know." She replied honestly. She then felt acutely aware of their surroundings. "Did you just decide to say this out of the blue or..?" She asked.
And it was a second or so later before she barely eased her hand away.
The thought crossed his mind to suggest that they return home to their apartment before continuing the conversation. At least they were the only ones around; James couldn't hear any other voices around the offices. Ella's next question took some thought, because James wasn't sure if he even had an answer. He watched the movement of her hand as he considered what to say. What answer could possibly alleviate the conversation.
"I don't think decision is the right word. It definitely wasn't planned." James admitted, "It just... is. The way I feel about you" Did that even make sense? The words felt as accelerated as the rhythm of his heart.
It feels... right." James finished, despite the tangible awkwardness that filled the air around them. "
Ella knew on some level that she seemed panicked. Those words carried a heavy weight. That weight also opened doors to every future possibility he'd already been grilled about by her mother. It was easy to feel bad about her response. It wasn't exactly how most girls responded when someone they were with was so genuine and open.
Despite how little his second explanation was, it was actually perfect. Somehow he had the capacity to transition from an awkward moment to something with great substance.
"I'm being such a bitch, I'm so sorry." She said then, taking hold of his hand for some kind of reassurance. "I'm not doubting you."
James was aware of the impact that saying those three words out loud had. What it meant for them not only now, but of possibilities in the future. The natural progression of a relationship. Step one was saying 'I love you', and then moving up from there. Panic was understandable.
Did he feel bad about her response? Of course; but really, what response did he expect? They weren't exactly an ordinary pair.
Instinctively, James frowned. "No, no, you're not being a bitch. Your reaction is understandable." Had the roles been reversed, his reaction might have been similar. Giving her hand a squeeze, he hoped to provide some comfort. So that Ella would know he did not intend to cause any unease through his words. "It's a lot."
A small smile returned to his face. "Though, I'm glad you believe me." That was something to hold onto.
Ella could tell that on some level he was freaking out. It was completely understandable; between them, natural steps of progression were unnatural. He was talking like he was the most patient man in the world, and for Ella, that was something she definitely didn't deserve.
There were no fairy tail moment here, and the first words of love wasn't going to change that dynamic.
"I know that you're meant to say it back when someone says that and I can't say it now." Quickly, she had to interject on herself, because that sounded awful; "Not because I don't-" She exhaled a harsh sigh, "I like, missed the window. And now it's just gonna sound like I'm saying it because I think I have to."
